З життя
Ми з дружиною відвідали всіх лікарів, навіть екстрасенсів та цілителів.
Ми з дружиною вже обійшли всіх лікарів, навіть до ворожок і цілителів зверталися. Ходили до церкви та молилися. Потім у нас уже опустилися руки…
Дружина мене покинула. Тепер моє життя майже нестерпне, залишився на самоті зі своїми думками. Рятує мене лише моя робота. Іноді я заливаю свій біль алкоголем. Я не поганий чоловік, мені 28 років, я не палю, рідко вживаю алкоголь, але останнім часом тільки це допомагає вгамувати мій біль.
Я навчався на юридичному факультеті. Завдяки допомозі батьків, ми з дружиною оселилися у двокімнатній квартирі. Обоє займали досить престижні посади і добре заробляли. Життя у нас було прекрасним. Ми з дружиною чудово ладнали і ні в чому собі не відмовляли.
Моя дружина – неймовірна жінка. Гарна, скромна, добра. Вдома завжди чисто і панує порядок. Після роботи я з радістю повертався додому, де чекав на мене смачний обід.
Багато хто б сказав: “Чого тобі бракує? Багато хто мріє про таке життя! Живи і не нарікай”.
Я вже не бажаю радіти життю. Страждаю від безпліддя. У ранньому дитинстві перехворів на паротит. Пам’ятаю лише, що довгий час перебував у лікарні і не ходив до школи. І ось тепер, через 20 років, хвороба дала про себе знати.
Ми з дружиною перейшли всіх лікарів, навіть до ворожок і цілителів зверталися. Ходили до церкви та молилися. Але виявилося, що нічого більше вдіяти не можна, оскільки в моєму випадку хвороба невиліковна.
Дружина почала мене уникати, ми більше не проводили вечори разом. Кожен сидів у своїй кімнаті: вона читала книги, а я дивився телевізор. Одного дня вона повідомила, що її подруга знайшла їй гарну роботу в Києві, і, зважаючи на те, що вона ще молода, хоче почати життя заново.
Наступного дня вона зібралася і поїхала. Про свою хворобу я дізнався лише через два роки після одруження. Не думав, що це може мати такі наслідки.
Тепер пригадаю сумні очі моєї матері, коли ми брали шлюб, і її слова: “Ой, діти, що я роблю!”
Тоді не звертав на них уваги, а зараз розумію страшний сенс цих слів. Мені зрозуміло, що життя не закінчується. Десь у нашому красивому місті є самотня жінка з дитиною на руках, для якої я міг би стати чудовим батьком.
Та не хочу шукати жінку насильно. Спочатку мрію зцілити своє серце і поховати сум після шлюбу, в якому ми прожили 5 щасливих років. Я розумію свою дружину, яка мріяла мати дітей, а я не можу їй це дати. Дозволити їй зраду? Усиновити дитину? Вона хоче бути матір’ю своєї дитини.
А якби я знав про свої проблеми ще до одруження? Як би склалося наше життя тоді? Чи бажала б вона бути зі мною, чи пішла б одразу?
Чому мама так довго приховувала від мене мою хворобу? Якби я знав, усе могло бути по-іншому. З одного боку, розумію маму – вона хотіла, щоб я був щасливим. Але чи можна бути щасливим за таку ціну? Кожен з нас має свою правду. Можливо, це певного роду випробування для мене. Я б’юся зі своїми думками. А вдома досі тихо і сумно.
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