З життя
Несподівана зустріч з батьком доньки на шкільних зборах: наші діти в одному класі.
Мені 34 роки, і я самостійно виховую свою 10-річну доньку. Чоловіка не маю. Справа в тому, що одинадцять років тому у мене були стосунки з одруженим чоловіком, наслідком яких стала моя вагітність. Після цього я вирішила припинити будь-яке спілкування з ним. З того часу ми жодного разу не зустрічалися.
Як би це не було прикро визнавати, але я його не кохала. Наші стосунки були для мене, радше, питанням зручності. Він забезпечував мене матеріально, виконував усі мої прохання, але нічого справжнього між нами не було. У мене ж давно була мрія — стати матір’ю. Я навіть не розглядала варіант зробити аборт. Знала, що він ніколи не залишить своєї сім’ї, але й сама не хотіла будувати із ним майбутнє. Як кажуть, «На чужій біді щастя не збудуєш». Тож мій вибір був очевидним — припинити ці відносини. Це було добре обдумане і найкраще рішення для мене.
Ще до вагітності у мене були проблеми зі здоров’ям, тому я боялася ускладнень від аборту. До того ж я завжди хотіла дитину й знала, що бути мамою-одиначкою — це не найстрашніше в житті. Мене це не лякало. Мої батьки повністю підтримали мій вибір. Вони не дорікали, не сварилися, а навпаки, допомагали, чим могли, і продовжують допомагати досі. Я нескінченно вдячна їм за це. Десь у глибині душі розуміла, що знайти кохання, коли ти вже мама, може бути складніше. Багато чоловіків бояться стосунків із жінками, у яких є діти. Але мені це було байдуже. Я хотіла дитину і була переконана у своєму виборі.
Моя донечка стала для мене сенсом життя. Вона найкраща у світі, і я навіть не уявляю, як би складалося моє життя без неї. Хоча інколи я ходила на побачення, серйозних стосунків у мене так і не було.
Зараз донька навчається у четвертому класі. Нещодавно я дізналася те, що перевернуло мій спокій з ніг на голову: одна з її однокласниць виявилася дочкою того самого чоловіка, який є біологічним батьком моєї дитини. Я була вражена, коли дізналася про це. А зустріч із ним стала зовсім несподіваною. Ми перетнулися в шкільному коридорі й обоє зробили вигляд, ніби не впізнали один одного. Іронія долі — їхні дочки сидять за однією партою. У мене було відчуття, ніби світ затаїв для мене цей сюрприз.
Я давно намагалася забути його і всі пов’язані з ним моменти. Мене мучить сором за ті помилки, які я зробила у минулому. Я навіть уявити собі не могла, що наші шляхи знову перетнуться. Мене турбує лише одне — донька дуже схожа на свого біологічного батька. Ця схожість може привернути увагу. Я дуже боюся, що вони зможуть це помітити, а ще більше боюся того, що правда спливе назовні.
Що мені робити? Переводити доньку до іншої школи? Але це означатиме, що я вирву її зі знайомого середовища — класу, де вона знайшла друзів, і вчителів, до яких вона вже звикла. Це не найкращий вихід. Напевно, мені доведеться розповісти їй усю правду. Однак я навіть думати не хочу про цю розмову. Чому все так складно? Я була впевнена, що вже залишила цю історію у минулому, але він знову з’явився в моєму житті. Я не знаходжу собі місця, не можу нормально спати. У голові постійно одна думка: як діяти далі?
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