Sorry for Not Living Up to Your Expectations!

Sorry I didnt live up to expectations!

It all unfolded like something out of a sitcom or a cheesy drama. It was a summer evening, Tom was glued to his laptop, I was bustling around the house, the car alarm went off and Tom bolted out into the front garden thank heavens it was warm. I was dusting the sidetable, nudged the mouse, and the dead screen flickered back to life.

I never meant to snoop on Toms phone or peek over his shoulder while he worked I thought that was rude but the whole thing happened by accident. My eyes landed on a chat window on some site and I saw the word darling. My face went hot; I tried to look away, but I caught that single word. I thought maybe it was just a silly line like my darling wife said or even my favourite sausage! Still, I read on.

Yeah, darling, Tom wrote, not shy about using his photo on the dating site, of course well meet tomorrow as we planned. I replay our last date every hour. Youre pure fire!
I replied, And youre a beast, my bear the skinny redhead. My whole body still hurts.

Then Tom rushed out in a hurry, and the texts turned nervous: Bear, hey! You there? Im bored! Where are you? I dropped the cleaning rag, flopped onto the sofa.

Hed warned me the next day thered be a mandatory work function you cant say no so I spent the afternoon steaming my trousers, pressing perfect pleats, picking a tie to match his suit, and ironing his shirt so there were no unwanted creases. Now I get why I was fussing over his outfit.

Tom came back, blowing his top about some teenagers whod smashed a ball through his windscreen. He shouted, swore, gestured wildly, and I nodded along, but I felt miles away in my head and heart.

Luckily he wasnt in a romantic mood, so we went to bed. Ill think about it tomorrow, I told myself, channeling that famous heroine, but I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep.

At dawn Tom left for work, and I started the housecleaning marathon because my mum was due to drop off little Stanley, whod been staying with Grandma for a week. I scrubbed floors, sinks, tiles, while a relentless refrain of what now? looped in my mind.

I hadnt fully grasped it yet, but my memory kept feeding me fresh snippets of Toms words and deeds, each one taking on a new, painful meaning. My familiar world crumbled and I had to pick up the pieces.

One thing I knew for sure: I could never forgive him. Not even if he begged, claimed it was an accident, or swore it would never happen again. The sting would dull with time, but the betrayal would never disappear.

I also knew Stanley was only two and a half. The nursery wont have a place until autumn, so I cant get back to my job yet. I cant lean on my ageing parents, and I certainly dont want a bitter battle over child support.

Launching a messy divorce right now, while still reeling from the shock, seemed impossible do I have the strength? Will his pleas to think, dont rush, forgive make me regret later? No. Im set on divorce, just not today.

So I kept at the housework, ironing Toms shirts, pairing ties, and even laughed at his jokes in those rare moments when he remembered I was a person, not just a cleaning lady. The only feeling I couldnt shake was disgust. I dodged chores with excuses, and Tom would sigh with relief. Lately hed seemed to bloom smiling, humming, bringing me flowers for no reason. I pretended to believe his tales of business trips, meetings, and courses.

In October a nursery spot finally opened up. I went back to work and filed for divorce straight away. Tom was stunned, convinced I didnt know about his escapades. He threw a fit, hurling insults:

Pathetic slut low and dirty No wonder they call women like you homeprostitutes! You perched on my neck, waited for the kid to grow, and now that Ive raised him, goodbye, love? I thought my wife was different, but youre just like every other woman!

Our mutual friends jumped to his side, leaving me isolated. Even my mum looked at me with disappointment: How could you? If you wanted a divorce youd have done it ages ago, but you lingered, held a stone in your heart I never imagined my daughter could be so petty and calculating.

Sorry I didnt live up to your expectations, I told everyone, but my decision stayed the same.