The Outcast

Oh, youre a hard man, William Johnson! Theres good reason folk in the village call you Grim Jack! Never a smile, not from you. Heaven knows, a glance in your direction can chill a fellow to the bone. Tell me, has someone turned your heart to ice? Does life hold nothing sweet for you anymore?

Margaret carried on her tongue-wagging, but William had stopped listening. Silently, he collected his bread and tea from the till at the only shop on Dalebrook Lane, then headed to the door.

Your Eleanor was in the village the other day. Brought the boy with her. Did you hear, William Johnson? And what if the child really is yours, eh? Is he to grow up with no father, wandering about, while you’re still here? He does bear your look!

Margarets words caught up to William at the threshold, and he almost stumbled, though he did not turn. What for? No one will believe him if he tries to explain. He never was one for airing his life for all to see. The neighbours would gossip all the same. What they didnt know, theyd invent. Besides, it was between him and Eleanor. Strangers ought to keep their noses out.

A rare, blazing spring sun poured over his face, forcing Williams eyes shut. His features became as still as a statues and, still blinded, he stepped forward once, twiceonly to halt, jolted by a childs shout.

Careful!

A small boy darted up the shop steps, scooping two tumbling pups into his arms.

Please dont tread on them!

A chip in the nose, dark eyes beneath heavy lids, and ears with a familiar tilta look common enough around Dalebrook, and not unlike Williams own. Margaret and the other gossips werent wrong. The likeness was clear. And yet, William knew well enough that the boy watching him so intently was not his son. A kin, perhaps, but not his own.

Would you have a puppy, sir? Look at his paws! Big as a wolfs, strong as anything!

William managed a shake of the head and turned the corner into the nearest lane, not the one hed meant to take, but the one closest. There, his strength deserted him at last. He leaned against the high Carter fence, gasping, wondering how he would breathe from this moment on.

Why this, and why her, again? Why had she come, bringing the boy who might have been his, had life gone another way? Had that Oleg left her after all?

Thoughts crowded him without rest. His heart banged unevenly, aching as it had those seven years ago. It remembered everything, the cursed thing, and would not be commanded to silence. Would that it could be so!

Lucy Carter came through her garden gate, eyebrows raised in surprise, and hurried to his side.

Will! Are you unwell? Let me help, or shall I fetch Edward?

Her kind hands steadied him by the shoulder, and William opened his eyes.

No need, Lucy. Thank you. Ill be off in a minute.

Off, you say? Not likely! Lean on me and come alongyes, just like that! Slow steps, there. Good man! Merciful heavens, what are you doing to your heart? If anything should happen, theyll blame me for letting you wander offmy patient, you are, dont forget! So dont trouble me so. Lets get your blood pressure checked, a jab or two, and youll be sprightly as a new cucumber! Keep walking!

Wills legs barely did as asked, but Lucy was sturdy. All but dragging him inside, she kicked shut the gate and shouted,

Edward! Come lend me a hand!

William remembered little after that. He woke on Lucys settee. A weight pressed on his chest, and he half-thought the heart attack had finished him. But on opening his eyes, he managed a wan smile.

A smoky grey cat, cozied beneath his arm, was licking one of her kittens, the rest bundled atop Williams chest.

Our Molly always knows when someones in need, Lucy noted, setting aside her daughters copybooks. If shes brought you her litter, it means you can be trusted, Will. She wouldnt rest them with just anyone.

Lucy busied herself around him. There now, almost as chipper as the day you were born! Your pulse is steady again. But dont scare me like that, Will! The tracks a bog, an ambulance would never find us in time. Planning on dying, were you? Too soon for that. Theres work yet to be finished.

What work, Lucy? Zora the cow, old Buster theyre all thats left for me now.

Shes a fine milker, but shell need looking after should you fall ill. Wholl see to her, then?

Only then did Will notice the curtains drawn close and lamp light burning.

What time is it, Lucy?

No moving! Its late, youll not be wandering home tonight. Stay here, dont fret, I passed Zorashes well.

Lucy straightened, put away her stethoscope, gave her husband a passing hug, and disappeared into the kitchen. Edward settled next to William.

Not feeling yourself?

Something like that. Cant make sense of it at all.

I can. Its Eleanor.

Edward smiled thinly, smoothing his moustache. Even Molly feels you. She parked each kitten atop you, to calm you. Dropped them from her basket, then sat there as Lucy tried to revive you. Animalsthey know better than we do, thinking with heart and instinct, not some knotted mind.

Whats it to you, Edward? Not got troubles of your own?

Plenty, Edward replied with a rueful chuckle. But when I needed help, you didnt ask my leave. Just acted. A favour returned is a debt of honour, Will. If I can lend a hand, let me.

What could you do?

My granGod rest heralways said some woes need only be let out. If someone will listen, good. Else shout em into a hollow. Dont bottle them up, Will. Theyll burn through you, leave nothing but ash.

Edward paused. Weve known each other since you and your folks settled here. You joined us at school what, year seven?

Year eight.

Then count the years, man How strange we all act, hiding from each other. We could have talked long ago, yet here we are. If youd rather I left, say so; but if youll speak, Ill listen. Im no gossip.

I know. William reached to stroke the kittens on his chest. But what to tell you? Im shamed by it, Edward. A man oughtnt air such things. You saw how I loved Eleanor, since boyhood. I came running back from service for her sake. You stood as witness when we married.

That I did. But none ever understood why you two parted ways. Lived together, all seemed well, next thingshe left for the city, you up and vanished to the edge of the moors. I remember your mother selling your cow, crying and not saying why.

She knew nothing. Told her Id fallen out of love with Eleanor, couldnt bear it. My parents near enough disowned me

There must have been a reason. I cant believe Eleanor ever strayed. Not her style.

Will turned away, tears welling dry in his eyes. Hed shed them all, years ago, raging through the woods, calling her name, then dropping in the frost and weeping like a child.

He caught his breath, and the sharp, black depth of Williams eyesso like his ancestorsflashed.

I saw with my own eyes, Edward. If youd only told me, I wouldnt have believed it

Edward gasped. Tell me how it happened! Theres something off here.

Its all rotten, Edwardfrom start to finish. She lied to me. Said she loved only me, but Through her, I lost everything. Not just wife, but family. In our lot, strength matters. What kind of man cant keep his wife? No strength, and now Im barely here at all.

Easy, Will. Lets get this straight.

Remember when I went to London, had to be away for nearly two months? We had plans for a farmmares milk for the spa. Eleanor proposed it, knew horses inside out. Her father, you recall, was the best judge in the county. She persuaded me to go make the contacts. And while I was away

Edward shook his head. There was never talk in the village. You know no secret lasts here, but nothing came to me. Lucy, too, would have known.

You knew nothing because all happened inside our door. Who would gossip such shame? Sorry, Edward, its hard. Kept it so long, its grown from pebble to mountain.

Edward rasped, surprised: But with whom? Not

With Oliver, my cousin. Hed just moved here with his mother. Lived with us half a year. We were finishing our new house, barely anything left. Thought wed settle the farm, throw a housewarming, and start a family. Eleanor was keen for children. Wed tried, but nothing tookplanned to let fate decide. And fate did but not with me.

Edward nodded. Saw her boya fine lad. He rubbed his neck thoughtfully. Still, I cant believe she did such a thing!

Whats there not to believe when I saw it myself? Will replied, trying to sit up when Molly batted his hand and yowled, protecting her kittens. With a guilty chuckle, he tucked them under his palms.

Natures way, Edward. A mother shields her young, whatever may come. I knew how Eleanor ached for children, but I refused to see a doctorcouldnt admit the fault might be mine. So, she solved it her way. If not from me, then from another.

Dont go making up tales to torture yourself! Youve lain it all out nicely, havent you?

Ive had time to.

Edward pursed his lips. But were you hiding from your own son, Will? That would explain a lot.

Careful what you say, Will warned, voice rising, but Lucy peered from the kitchen, so he quieted. I can count, you know. Things dont add up.

What doesnt?

My auntOlivers mothercame to see me when Lucy had her baby. She explained it all.

So, what did you see, returning home?

They were together in the kitchen. Oliver kissing her, she not resisting! Williams voice cracked. Edward fretted as Lucy hurried back in.

You need another rest, Will. Ill give you something for the nerves. She administered the injection, and Will soon fell into heavy sleep.

Edward drew Lucy aside. Did you hear?

All of it.

What do you think?

Ill take a walk, Edward. Time this secret became something healthier. Two souls are suffering for nothing. I saw Eleanor yesterday. Shes frailher spirits ebbing. I doubt its guilt. If she were to blame, shed hide her eyes. But she looks straight ahead. Theres more to it. Ill go.

Where?

To Wills aunt, first. We have things to discuss. Then to Eleanor. Its late, but this mustnt drag on. Wills heart cant take more.

Lucy pulled on her coat and left. Edward sat on the doorstep, lit a pipe, and thought.

Life is a tricky thing, he mused. Think youve snagged happiness by the tail, and all thats left in your hand is a feather. He and Lucy had seen muchburying parents, losing a son, then taking their twin daughters as an unexpected gift five years after vowing never again. Lucy, a doctor, always blamed herself for overlooking their boys illness. She never forgave herself, though no one at the county hospital held her responsible for the lightning-fast infection. When she learned she was carrying twins, fearnot joyfilled her. Hed barely reassured her enough to carry the pregnancy. That was the old Lucywound tight as a fiddle string, terrified each time her foot touched the earth. Now, seeing Eleanors boy, she ached as a mother who recognises when a child grows up half an orphan, for want of parents strength. Ordinary children lean on two, but this boy stood alonegiven by God, but barely loved.

Edward sat, checked once or twice that Will was asleep, and as dawn pushed at the horizon, Lucy finally returned. She looked drawn, her face streaked with tears. He hurried to her, wrapped her in his arms.

Is it heavy, Lucy?

Oh, Edward! What people can do, beasts would blush!

Lucy sobbed like their young daughters, wiping tears with her hands, desperate to share the story.

Its Wills sonnow Im sure. His aunt, Aunt May, confessed it all.

How did you get her to open up, after all these years?

I dont know. Maybe shame, maybe my anger scared herGod knows I was furious! I saw Eleanor first. She told me how it happenedshe was innocent. Was already carrying Wills child but too scared to tell him before he left. Three miscarriages beforethats why. She never told anyone, not even her husband. Theyre as bad as each other, keeping such secrets! Now, only misery.

Lucy broke off, and Edward clasped her tighter.

And Mays part in this?

She was the villain! Put ideas in Olivers head, schemed the whole thing. For years, she envied Wills mother, her own sister. Over a man, of course! May fancied Wills father, but her sister won him. Bitter ever since. Years passed, May married someone else, moved away, but when she was widowed, slunk back, all forgiveness on her lipsjust to sow trouble. Her cruellest idearuin Wills life. She thought if she broke him, the family would fall to pieces. And almost, it did.

You went to see Wills mother?

May dragged me there herself. Confessed all, begged forgiveness. She even copped a slap for her trouble, but then Wills mum just wept. Shes a kind soul, little malice in her heart.

Did she forgive?

In time, perhaps, but for now, shes banished May and Oliver both. Then she ran to Eleanor, to repent.

Lucy slumped. Weve not settled it well, Edward. All this should have been faced years ago. Why are people like this? Just say the word, listenso simple. Instead, silence and suffering! Miserable lot!

Edward kissed her brow. Never mind thatlets make breakfast. Time the girls will be up, and Will, too. Hes a long day ahead, putting right all thats gone wrong.

The first sunrays crept over the rooftops as William, shoulders still weak, stepped from the cottage, squinting at the brightness flooding Lucys garden. He started at the sound:

Are you my father?

The boy sat on the steps, the pup from before cuddled in his arms.

See his strong paws? Hell be right good, dont you think?

William caught his breath, came to sit beside him, and ruffled the puppys fur.

Hell be a grand dog, youve chosen well.

The boys solemn, dark eyesso like his owndid not leave him. Cautiously, Will put a hand on the boys shoulder, squeezed gently, and nodded.

Yes. Im your father, Sam

Good! Come on, Mums making breakfast. Gran is there too. She promised to take me to the horses today. Can I go, please?

Then, suddenly, William felt the grief-braided reins that had held his tongue and heart so tightly all these years snap, stinging as they went, but leaving him free, lighter. A wave of relief and happiness broke within him. With a new strength in his voicethe old, self-assured onehe raised the pup, stood, nodded, and replied,

Yes! Lets go. We have much to do yet, son. So much left to doHand in hand, boy and man crossed the garden still slick with dew. The world felt strange and renewed, each twist of gravel, each petal bright and trembling, as if nature itself had been waiting for William to say yes.

As they reached the doorstep, Eleanor emerged, laughing through happy tears as Sam tugged her forward to his father. Granher face aged by sorrow, yet softened by forgivenessopened her arms in silent invitation. Through the kitchen window, Molly eyed them all, her kittens piled in safety, a quiet benediction on this odd, healed family.

Sun spilled into the house, glancing off porridge bowls and rough-hewn beams. Edward and Lucy toasted bread for everyone, their daughters giggling in the corner as the pups gamboled around Sams feet. At the table, old scars met gentle hands, and stories finally tumbled out, one after the nexttheirs, theirs to claim and share.

William sat among them and, feeling the quiet glow grow inside, let himself laugh. It was hoarse and awkward, rusty from lack of use, but bright as the morning itself. Eleanor squeezed his hand, and Sam nestled close, breakfast forgotten for the steady, sure touch of his fathers arm. There would be more reckonings ahead, and more gentle truths. But now, laughter spilled over the rim of grief.

Outside, on Dalebrook Lane, Margaret passed with her shopping basket and a start of surprise. There was Grim Jack, smiling in his kitchen, sunlight streaming through the door. She hurried onalmost, but not quite, disappointed.

In the house, bread and honey were handed round. Forgiveness, hard-won and tender, was enough for this new beginning. And so, William Johnsons heart, unburdened at last, beat steady and strong behind the open doorhome.