You didn’t manage to raise your children properly. Now, take Alex’s son, Michael, for example…

You werent able to bring up your children properly. Now look at Michael

At first, I couldnt quite understand why Mum had started picking on me. It all seemed perfectly fine not so long ago, especially when I was a child. She would praise me, put me forward as an example for my elder brother, and boasted about me to relatives.

We lived just like the average family, not flush but not going without either. We had everything we needed, and for big-ticket items, wed save up as a family. We even had a car old but reliable and Dad would fix it himself when things went wrong.

After finishing school, my brother Alexander went off to university in London. Supporting him cost a pretty penny tuition, a flat, food all the expenses you could imagine.

I could see how my parents were struggling. They scrimped and saved on everything. I was soon due to apply to university too just a two-year gap between us.

We cant afford to send another one up to London, you know, theres a university here in Manchester. Stay and study here, they said.

So I enrolled locally and got myself a job. First, delivering leaflets at weekends, and then I got a position as a waitress in the café around the corner from our house. I was lucky to get a place on a scholarship, earned my own money, and even bought groceries for the household from time to time.

Well done, love, Mum would say. Youre useful at home, you study, you work. Whereas Alex cant handle a job with all his coursework and all the expectations are so high. He gets exhausted, shed sigh.

I get tired too, Id reply, sitting up at night working on essays.

Its not the same, shed insist. Youre home, after all. Its different when youre home.

At last, my brother graduated and started looking for a job. No thought of coming back to our town the prospects in the capital were so much better! The trouble was, the jobs that would satisfy him just werent there. He had his ideas, his standards. Mum and Dad carried on helping him out.

He just needs to get his foot in the door. Once hes in, hell be set.

Things started moving, or so it seemed. Alexander landed a job, and then rather unexpectedly, married his bosss daughter in a bit of a hurry, since she was pregnant.

A son arrived, and my brother had well and truly settled himself. His wifes parents bought them a flat, his father-in-law gave him a promotion and a pay rise. Everything fell into place for him, and my parents heaved a sigh of relief.

I got married as well, but not nearly as grandly as Alex. My bloke was a regular man, nothing posh about him. We saved for our own flat, though not in the capital.

We had a daughter, and then twin boys. We were expecting our second, and twins came instead. It was tough, but we didnt complain. The children grew up and started school.

After thirty-five years together, my parents decided to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Theyd skipped their twenty-fifth and thirtieth never enough money but this time, they went for it.

Alex managed to come down with his son; his wife was busy but sent a present: a voucher for a big household item. She recommended a dishwasher.

Alexander handed over the gift ahead of time, they chose a dishwasher, had it fitted the lot. Mum spent the evening showing it off to guests, proudly mentioning how the machine would take care of all the dishes after the party.

Our present a holiday for two, a proper wedding-style break for my parents cost far more, but paled in comparison to my brothers glitzy dishwasher.

Mum and Dad went off on the holiday, thanked me for it, but made a point of telling me I was reckless with money. The trip was over and done, but the dishwasher was still there every day.

And from then on, it started every chance Mum got, thered be some dig about the successful son. His flats in London, so hes made something of himself. Career, swanky flat, wife and child just the one, mind you!

One and not three for goodness sake, Mum would say. Why have three? Youve got to educate them! Its easy while theyre small just wait until later. Now, Michael

Michaels flat has every gadget. The hoover is robotic, the lights all work by themselves, the dishwasher, food deliveries hes even got a cleaner who comes round

Mum, I can do all that myself. The kids and my husband help out too.

But Michael

Well, your brother

Time passed, and my children grew up. None of them went to any London universities, but all of them completed their degrees here in Manchester. And Mum had something to say about that too.

You havent managed to bring up your children properly. Now look at Michaels son

Mum, my children are good people, and you dont really know everything about Michaels family! When we visited, it wasnt all as grand as you think. I noticed right away.

Dont be spiteful. If nothing came of you, then nothing will come of your children either. Youve just bred a bunch of wasters!

Yes, Mum, I know. Im nothing special. Good job, but not in London! Husbands successful, but hes not the one. Kids have got first-class degrees, but in Manchester, not the capital!

The flats beautifully done up but no live-in cleaner. Just a normal hoover, a dishwasher, and we use the light switches ourselves.

We help you out, just not as much! Your Michael cant even send you money for your prescriptions hes got big bills to pay!

Hes made it, but youre nothing!

Not long after, Alexander came home. Mum thought it was just a visit, but he was back for good. His wife had filed for divorce, hed been sacked from his father-in-laws firm, and his son well, thered been trouble there too.

He couldnt find work in our town, and the pay was nothing like what he used to get in London.

Jane, weve decided Michael needs to start his own business. Hes ready, said Mum. He cant work a bog-standard engineering job after what hes been used to in the capital.

If youve decided, go on then.

We need your help. He needs money a loan or something. Its not as if you need anything, youre not in London, Mum pressed.

Well, Michaels not in London anymore either! Its about time he came back down to earth.

You dont need anything, but he does, he

Mum, we help the children, and we look after you and Dad. Not much, but we try. We need to change our car. Then there are all the little things

The car can wait. Michaels money is more important.

I know, Mum. Michael has always come first. The minute he headed off to the capital, that was it. I didnt want to study in London and you didnt help me, even here.

You sold your parents house to send your son to university and give him a start in life. Your fathers parents house ended up as a car for Alexander.

I remember asking you for a loan to buy a pram for the twins. You wouldnt lend me anything! If you thought we were staying with Michael up in London no. We always stayed in a hotel. His wife didnt like us. We were outsiders!

Hes divorced now and needs help. He hasnt even got a flat.

The cars gone, smashed up, thanks to his son.

Lets not dwell on his problems, just help out.

No, Mum. Theres work in this town, decent salaries. Oh, but for him, theyre insultingly low. Good enough for us, but peanuts for him.

What am I supposed to offer him? Loose change? Money for a business, then a car, then a flat No, Mum. Its a bit rich for a so-called ‘successful man’ to be borrowing from his poor, provincial sister, who you think never amounted to anything!

Why are you talking to me like that? Mum demanded.

Everything’s fine, Mum. Ive just realised that only my brother ever truly became someone. Hes living with you now, so its his turn to support you. Let him help you you always said he was a great man!

Jane, youre forcing us to sell our flat! Do you understand what youre making us do?

Oh? Im making you, am I? Just dont forget to buy yourself at least a one-bedroom place.

My parents ended up selling their flat and bought a tiny old one-bedroom somewhere rougher. The rest of the money went to Alexander, who took off back to London. After all, what would he do in our little town, way up north?

There was no business, and once again, Michael was seen as the one who had made it in Mums eyes. She kept needling me about my own uselessness and asked for help to do up the flat. I helped what I could, but refused to pay for the refurbishments.

I know the flat will be left to Michael, Id say. Let him sort it out. Hes the great one.

Eventually, my brother ran out of cash and came crawling back to our parents. It was cramped in their one-bedroom place, but there was nothing to be done.

He slept on a camp bed in the kitchen, having seen the world and, as it turned out, my parents had gambled on the wrong horse.

Looking back, Ive learnt this: you can break your back for others, do everything right, but sometimes its never enough. The only thing that matters is learning to value yourself, even if nobody else does.