You’re Not My Wife: We Never Said ‘I Do’ at the Registry Office, Did We?

“You’re not my wifewe never went to the registry office, did we?”

“What kind of wife am I to you? Did we sign papers? Exchange rings?”

Emily lowered her gaze. Shed dreamed of all this, but years passed, and life carried on without formalities.

“No! No! And no!” barked Daniel. “Youre nothing to me! What gave you the right to call yourself my wife?”

“Danny, talk to me, please!” she pleaded, reaching for his hand.

“Got anything useful to add?” He pulled away. “Youve already said too much!”

“I didnt even say anything” Emily muttered.

“Mark my wordssilence is golden! Especially for you!” He turned pointedly toward the window.

“Stop sulking, love!” She moved closer.

“Shouldve kept your mouth shut!” Daniel threw up his hands. “Where do women learn to wreck everything in one sentence? Is there a class on driving men mad?”

Emily assumed he was still upset over their morning row: Daniel had smashed two mugshis and hers.

“How could you?” shed fumed. “Most people have hands, not wrecking balls! Smashing yours is bad enough, but why touch mine? Making sure Ive got nothing left to drink from?”

Just a silly domestic spatthe kind you shrug off. But Daniel had stormed out to work and returned icy silent all evening. Ignored her calls to dinner, though she pleaded three times. Time to make up.

“Oh, come on, well buy new mugs at Harrods this weekend! And your handswell, practice makes perfect!”

“What mugs?!” Daniels eyes flashed. “Do you even realise what youve done with your big mouth?”

“I can apologise” Emily faltered. “Dont be angry!”

“Apologise?” He let out a shrill laugh. “If sorry could erase your words, Id be over the moon! Instead, youve buried me!”

“For Gods sake, what did I even say?” It finally dawned on herthis wasnt about crockery.

“Who told my boss today she was speaking to Daniels wife?!” he seethed.

“You were in the shower, the phone rang” she babbled. “I answered, said to wait. She asked who I was. So I said his wife. When I handed you the phone, shed hung up. Whats the crime?”

“Youre seriously asking?!” Daniels face purpled, a vein throbbing at his temple. “What wife? Did we sign papers? Exchange rings?”

Emily swallowed. Shed dreamed of it, but

“No! No! And no!” he roared. “Youre nobody! Who gave you the right to call yourself my wife?”

***
“How longs this circus going on?” smirked Margaret.

“Mum” Emily frowned. “Times have changed. Youre one to judgeafter Dad, youve had your share of flings!”

“Dont slander your mother!” Margarets smile stayed intact. “At my age, gossip slides right off. But youre youngthink ahead!”

“Mum, fifty-five isnt ancient! You could still land a husband!”

“If a decent man turns upwhy not?” She smoothed her silver strands. “Till then, Ill make do with substitutes.”

“Youre unbelievable!” Emily snorted.

Then her mother turned serious:

“Love, I get itplenty live together, have kids these days. But legally? Its cohabitation. No guarantees!”

“If theres love, guarantees dont matter.”

“Love fadesemptiness stays. A proper husband means alimony, a share in assets. Like this? Youll get nothing, not even in court!”

“Daniel and I are fine! Six years together. Why bother with papers? We earn the same.”

“Not good enough!” Margaret wagged a finger. “Drop hints. Call him hubby, joke about wifey. Ease him into it. Thenwalk down the aisle!”

“What if I scare him off?” Emily shook her head. “Happiness is fragiledont tempt fate!”

“Your life,” sighed Margaret. “But remember: responsibility marks adulthood. What youve got? Pure nonsense.”

***
Her mothers advice stuck. Marriage was insurance. Even her friend Claire agreed:

“Say you get a mortgage. Its in Daniels name. If you split?”

“Pessimist!”

“Suppose he gifts the flat to his nephew. You wont get a say! Court without papers? A waste of time.”

“Ill save receipts, find witnesses!”

“Or” Claire grinned slyly, “just sign with him.”

“Mum said to tease him as hubby. Ease him in.”

“So get moving!”

***
Emily began calling Daniel “husband” at every chance. At first, he laughed it offthen grew used to it. She almost believed the charade until she told his boss that fatal line: “This is his wife.”

***

“Weve been together six years!” Emilys voice trembled. “I thought we were family. Kids, growing old together”

“You shouldve stayed quiet!” He paced furiously. “Why approach Sarah Johnson? Now Im sacked!”

“But I always call you my husband!”

“The difference is youve ruined my career!” Daniel slammed his keys down. “I wouldnt step into a registry office with youI wont even live here! Packing my things!”

“Youre serious?” She stared, stunned. “So I said wife”

“Sarah kept me on because of personal interest. Now Im married? Youre a thorn in her side!”

***
A week later, Sarah herself rang the doorbell:

“Sorry to intrude,” she said, “but I owed you an explanation. Not for the sackingfor years of deceit. We all thought he was single”

“We never signed anything,” Emily whispered.

“Cohabiting,” Sarah corrected. “But youre free now. And honestly” Her lips twitched. “Hes not worth it. Not a husband, not a partnerjust a prat.”

Emily nodded. There was nothing left to say.