Afraid of Losing You

Im afraid of losing you.
This is where I live, smiled Leo, holding open the door and inviting the girl inside.
Come on through, Ill be with you in a tick.
Anna stepped over the threshold uncertainly, her eyes darting about the flat and making no move to take off her shoes.
Something was making her nervous
Moments later, when Leo returned to the hallway, real terror flashed in Annas eyesher hands shook violently, and without a word of explanation, she rushed out the door.
Anna, where are you going?!
Leo stared at the now wide-open front door, then at Marthathe dogstanding next to him He never expected his perfect evening would end so abruptly.
She just legged it?
Didnt say a single thing? asked Victor in disbelief, once Leo recounted the story to his best mate.
Not a word.
Just ran off.
She looked like shed seen a ghost, Leo muttered, raising his pint and staring at it thoughtfully before setting it back down.
I just dont get it Why did she do that?
What could have scared her so much?
There could be all sorts of reasons, mate.
Did you think to just ask her straight out?
I would if shed answer her phone.
Havent been able to reach her since last night.
Did you go round her place?
No.
I only ever walked her to her doorstep, I have no idea what flat shes in.
Bit odd, this whole thing.
Tell me about it It was all going so well, and now its ended so stupidly.
Who says its all over?
Dont get in a strop just yet.
Shes changed her mind, looks like.
Cant think what else it could be.
Youll see her Monday at work, figure it out then.
Sort it all out and go from there.
Leo first met Anna on a jam-packed double-decker.
No one wanted to give up their seat for the young woman, but he did.
He ended up standing just beside her, and couldnt help grinning the whole way.
He really liked her.
He wanted to introduce himself, but he was rushing to work, and he didnt want to make a scene in front of everyone.
And really, what would he even say?
Hi, Im Leo.
Heres my numberfancy giving me a ring later tonight? Rubbish, he thought.
So, when his stop came, Leo didnt even bother glancing back to see if shed get off toohe just made for the office.
Walking, he almost fancied he could hear her footsteps behind him.
Still, he thought it was just wishful thinking.
Life doesnt work like thatmeet a girl once and then, instantly, true love for life.
He spent an hour at his desk trying to concentrate, but kept thinking about her eyes.
When he checked his inbox, he imagined her smile.
It was as though shed cast a spell on him.
So when his boss, Ian Stephens, strolled into the office with Lets make her feel welcome, and Leo saw it really was her, he thought he must be going mad.
I need my head checked, he muttered to himself.
But it was true; she was realshed be working with him now.
He felt this was fate.
Anna, she said with a gentle smile as she introduced herself, being the last in the office to meet him.
Leo.
Nice to meet you.
He could barely get out anything elsehe was just too bowled over.
Something within him shifted, deepened, grew stronger.
Whenever he saw Anna around, he felt as though he could pull a star from the sky or dive for a pearl at the bottom of the sea.
Hed have done anything to win her attention.
That evening, Leo met up with Victor at the local park where they liked to take their dogs out.
He couldnt stop raving about Anna, describing her with such warmth that Victor twigged at once.
Mate, youre smitten!
You reckon?
Absolutely!
I felt exactly the same with Tanya.
The second I saw her, I knew I wanted to be with her for life.
Exactly, for life.
But I only get that feeling when I see Anna.
All the more reason to go for it.
Ask her outtake her to a café or the cinema.
Think shed say yes?
You dont know unless you try.
And if you dither too long, some other bloke might nab her.
Suppose shes already seeing someone?
Ill look such a tit, asking her on a date.
If she is, then itll just be strictly work between you.
But you absolutely have to try.
At worst, nothing changes.
At best
So Leo tried.
He went up to Anna at the bus stop after work, feeling bashful but plucking up his courage.
Dont take this the wrong way but would you like to go somewhere tonight?
Maybe a café or the pictures?
Anna smiled and agreed.
They went for coffee at a cosy café, then wandered the quiet town late into the night.
Leo walked her home; the evening went even better than hed dared to hope.
When he got home, he spent another hour outside walking Martha, since hed missed her evening walk.
Then he lay in bed till dawn, staring at the ceiling, dreaming.
Dreaming of proposing to Anna, of living together, having children, and weekend outings in the countrysideall as though these dreams might become reality before long.
Three months passed.
The best three months of Leos life.
In that time, so much happened.
They dined out, watched romcoms on the big screen, and they even shared a kiss in the rain, ignoring the bemused stares of passers-by.
Anna was incredible.
She was sweet, lively, funny, charming, and also modest and principled.
Leo was grateful to fate that their paths had crossed.
But there was one hitch
After every date, Leo still had to walk Martha.
He lived alone, and there was no one else to help with the dognever convenient.
A few times he suggested taking Martha along for their strolls, but Anna always reacted oddly.
Shed go quiet, look away, and, in the end, would refuse.
Lets just go, the two of us, shed say.
We might fancy a café or a filmyou cant bring a dog along.
Youre right, Leo would reply.
Then Leo popped the question and asked Anna to move in with him.
She agreed to the engagement, but seemed hesitant about moving in, always finding reasons to delay.
Anna, I know our weddings not until next year, but we could already be living together.
I just feel calmer when youre close.
I promised my landlady Id stay until the end of the year.
I dont want to let her down.
Ill cover the last couple of months rent, if that helps.
Why dont you come over and Ill show you my flat?
You can meet Martha, too.
I think youll like her.
Anna seemed a bit down about the idea, but agreed.
She loved Leo, so she decided shed try Shed try to overcome her fear.
This is my place, Leo smiled, opening the door.
Come on in, Ill just be a minute.
Anna stepped over the threshold uncertainly, looking nervously around and hesitating to take off her shoes.
Something was troubling her
Moments later, when Leo appeared again in the hallway, genuine terror froze on Annas face, her hands started shaking, and without saying a word, she dashed out the door.
Anna, where are you going?!
Leo stared at the door left wide open, then at Martha next to him hed never imagined such a perfect evening would end this way.
He kept calling her, but Anna didnt answer.
So, desperate to talk it out, Leo arranged to meet Victor.
He needed advice.
After talking to Victor, Leo resolved to wait until Monday when hed see Anna at workthered be no way to avoid each other there.
That Monday, Leo kept glancing at the clock and peering hopefully out through the steamy windows of the buses arriving at the stop.
But Anna was nowhere in sight.
It was strangeshe was always early to work, usually there half an hour before the day began.
What if somethings happened? Leo was starting to panic, thinking of ringing Ian, their boss, to ask for the day off so he could search for Anna, when finally, he spotted her.
She was walking along the pavement, hair loose, cheeks streaked with tears, and looking desperately sad.
Anna, hang on!
Anna stopped abruptly, turned, and when she saw Leo, her shoulders sagged.
Anna, whats happened?
Why did you run off?
Why dont you answer my calls?
Youve had me so worried I can hardly think straight.
Leo, Im so sorry.
Whats wrong?
Theres five minutes until work starts.
Lets talk about it this evening, please?
You dont want to marry me anymore?
Or live with me?
I havent slept these past two nights, not knowing whats going on.
Please, just tell me now: why did you run away?
Im sorry, Leo, but we cant live together, Anna whispered, bursting into tears.
But why?
Whats wrong?
Did I do something?
No.
Then what?
Anna dabbed her tears and looked him in the eyes.
Im afraid
Afraid of what?
Anna, love, tell me.
Im afraid of dogs.
Leo was silent for a moment, bemused.
Of my Martha?
But you know shes as soft as butter, wouldnt hurt a fly.
He thought, So it was about the dog, after all.
Its not just your dog.
Im scared of all dogs.
When I was six, a bull terrier attacked me.
You never mentioned that before
I didnt.
I cant even think about it without panicking.
I was playing on the swings, Mum had nipped to the shop, and some drunk bloke sicced his dog on me to get me off his bench.
I was lucky someone intervened in time.
Ever since then, Ive been terrified of dogs.
Listen, Anna
Leo, well be late for work.
People arent going to wait while we sort this out right now.
They can wait I get you have a trauma, but there are dogs everywhere outdoors.
And yet you cope.
I do, just aboutits easier in the street.
I can cross the road, go towards people if Im scared.
But I cant live in a home with such a big dog as Martha.
Im sorry.
Its not about you, not about the dogits about me.
But thats silly.
I tried, Leo, I really did.
Thats why I agreed to come over.
I hoped maybe I could overcome it.
But when it came down to it, I just cant.
I get panic attacks.
I thought I could handle it for you, but it was too much.
Im so sorry.
Honestly, Victor, Ive no idea what to do, Leo sighed after telling his friend the whole story.
I love her, she loves me, but we cant live together.
What else can I do?
Youre not planning on giving up Martha, are you? Victor asked sharply.
Of course not!
How could you even suggest it?
I love Martha.
But I love Anna too.
Youll have to find a way, mate.
How?
Look, a fear of dogs isnt like an allergyyou can work to overcome it.
Maybe she should see a therapist.
She has.
Didnt help.
Anna says shell keep trying, but she cant promise anything.
See, thats good.
She wants to sort it.
Plenty in her shoes would have just said, me or the dog. Annas trying.
So you help her.
If you wont, who else will?
If only I knew how
Well, dont make her come round the flat just yet.
Start with neutral groundtake Martha and Anna out together in the park or woods.
No distractions, just you three.
You really think it could work? Leos eyes lit up with a sliver of hope.
Why not?
Over time, Anna will see Marthas harmless and stop panicking.
Its worth a try.
Where did you get the car? Anna asked when she found Leo waiting outside her block with an SUV.
A mate lent it.
So, all three of us in one car? Anna looked pale.
Dont worry, Martha will be in the boot.
My mates got it kitted out for dogs.
Youll be right beside me.
Nothing will go wrong.
Alright.
Anna agreed to a trip to the forest with Leo and Martha, but insisted theyd head home at the first sign of trouble.
Within an hour, they were stopped in a clearing at the forests edge.
Leo helped Anna from the car and then released Martha, warning her gently not to get too close to Anna.
Its beautiful here, Leo remarked, trying to shift her mind from panicky thoughts.
Lovely
They swapped city shoes for wellies as it had rained the past two days, and set off into the woods.
Leo kicked a ball for Martha, part of his plan.
That way, Martha wouldnt be all over Anna.
How are you doing, Anna?
I Im not sure.
Hard to say her eyes fixed on Martha just as the dog appeared from the undergrowth.
Listen, love.
Dogs are all different, just like people.
That dog who bit you was badly raised.
Marthas nothing like that.
I know.
You dont need to be scared.
I think after a few walks like this youll see that.
He lobbed a tennis ball into the bushes; Martha chased after it, barking joyfully.
Anna flinched at the sound and her hands trembled.
Is is she angry?
No, shes chuffed, look. Leo hugged Anna.
Shes found her ball, her favourite toy.
Martha dropped the ball at Leos feet, then skipped back, ready for another go.
Want to try throwing it? Leo asked.
What?
The ball.
Im scared.
Shut your eyes, then.
Just once, for me.
Anna squeezed her eyes tight, took the ball from Leo, and hurled it as far as she could.
Nice one, Anna! Leo laughed.
Martha, fetch!
The dog darted off.
At first all was quiet, then Marthas bark echoed through the trees.
Leo beamed.
See?
Shes brilliantswitched-on, always knows what Im thinking.
Maybe we should go home now? Anna suggested, worry still in her voice.
Yeah, alright.
Martha!
Where are you, girl?
But Martha didnt come runningshe just kept barking, her voice moving further away.
Ill pop over and check whats up, Leo said a bit grumpily.
Wait here?
NoIm coming too.
Struggling through the undergrowth together, they found Martha barking furiously at her tennis ball, which had landed on the surface of a muddy puddle.
Ah, that explains it, Leo said, grinning.
Whats going on? Anna said with concern.
Marthas scared of water, so she cant get her ball.
What, really?
I thought all dogs loved water.
They have their fears too.
I rescued Martha from a river when she was a pup.
Shes never liked water since.
Walks in the rain are fine, but puddles she avoids.
Wait here a mo.
Ill grab the ball.
Wait, Leo, is that safe?
What if its deeper than it looks?
Its just a big puddle, Anna.
It poured for two days but the marsh is the other way.
He turned to Martha, Its alright, girl.
Ill get your toy.
He stepped confidently into the water, but immediately sank to his knees with a soggy squelch.
Martha barked louder, worry in her eyes now.
You alright, Leo?
Yeah.
Just deeper than it seemed.
Hold tightback in a jiffy.
Leo managed to rescue the tennis ball, but found himself in water past his knees.
He turned round to head backbut with each step, his feet seemed further stuck in the muck.
It got harder to walk.
With a handful of steps to go, he realised he couldnt move.
Why have you stopped?
Come back! Anna called.
I cant Im stuck.
You were right.
Its boggy.
Feels like its sucking me under.
Martha stared, worried, too frightened to go into the water herself.
Anna panicked; Leo was sinking in the mud, and a large dog was standing just paces away.
Anna, help!
Find me a big stickquick!
Annas hands shook as she fumbled for her phone to call for help, but of course, there was no signal.
Just my luck
She couldnt movehow could she get closer with Martha there?
Her heart began to pound.
When Martha barked desperately and looked at her pleadingly, Annas instinct was to run.
But then she thought of Leo, and that kept her rooted.
She couldnt leave him, not now.
Anna, help please!
Frozen with fear, Anna stared, unable to move.
Just like when she was a child.
Martha, shaking despite her fear, tried to step into the cold water, but it was too much.
She darted back out and barked in frustration, pleading for help.
That was when Anna decidedshe might die of fear but she would not let Leo die.
She scanned the ground and spotted a sturdy branch.
Grabbing it, Anna ran to the edge of the marsh, thrusting the branch out toward Leo.
He gripped it tight, and Anna heaved with all her strength, pulling him from the bog.
She got him partway out, but needed help.
Martha, sensing something, pressed in beside her, and together the girl and dog hauled Leo up until he clambered clear and collapsed, exhausted, on solid ground.
Sopping wet and shattered, the three of them lay on the grass, gasping for breathbut the worst was over.
Girls!
I dont know what Id have done without you, Leo laughed, hugging Anna and Martha.
Youve saved my bacon!
I was so scared
Dont tell me youve got a new phobia, Leo teased her.
She smiled through tears, Yeah, I have.
I realised what Im really terrified of is losing you.
And that fear is stronger than all the rest.
Anna hugged Martha tightly, Thank you, Martha.
Thank you for staying with us.
That evening, after hot baths and a hearty supper, Leo, Anna, and Martha collapsed together on the big sofa, watching dog films for hours.
Oddly enough, nothing else appealed to Anna that night.
Leo and Martha were only too happy to keep her company.
And most important of all: they each understood, that now, their greatest fear was a shared onethe fear of losing each other.