My brother refuses to place Mum in a care home, yet won’t take her in—there’s simply no space at his!

For the last three months, my brother Charles has been pestering me about Mum. Ever since her stroke, shes not quite herself. Shes absent-minded, muddledevery moment requires someone by her side. Honestly, she needs constant care; its as if were looking after a child. But Ive got my career, my house, my own family to look after. How do you break away from your own mother? I suggested putting her in a care home, but Charles was appalled, accusing me of cruelty. All the while, he refuses to have her live with him. He stays in his wifes flatclaims theres no room.

Once upon a time, we were quite harmonious, a quaint family of four. Charles and I are close in agehes just a year younger. Our parents didnt have us until later in life. Im 36 now, Charles is 35, and Mums 72. All was well until Dad passed away.

Charles left to study in Manchester and put down roots there, married his sweetheart, while I remained in Norwich, my childhood home. I used to live with my parents, of course, but once married, my husband, William, and I opted for a rented terrace, planning to buy a house and start our family. That was all before.

Two years ago, Dad died, and Mum became lost, lonely, and pining for him. She seemed to age decades overnight. She was unwell, and then six months ago, suffered her stroke. We thought we might lose her. Only the NHS staff pulled her back from the brink. At first, she could barely speak and her limbs wouldnt do as she asked. Later, she recovered movementher mind less so.

Doctors say the effects are permanent. Ive had to take charge. William and I moved into Mums semi. I left my regular job and took up freelance projects so I could stay nearby. Couldnt possibly leave her alone. Even now, since shes got her mobility back, it hasnt become any easier.

She babbles, gets lost in the street, torn between one place and another, wandering off while we hunt for her, pleading for her lost husband, crying on doorsteps. Honestly, its surreal. I get no sleep, always afraid shell vanish into the concrete dreamscape of Norwich. My work suffersI cant focus on anything. William suggested a care home.

The cost is enormous, but if I dedicate myself properly to work, its possible. Plus, Charles would have to contributethats only right.

It took me ages to reach a decision, but what else is there? How long can we stagger on like this? In a home, shed get constant care and someone watching over her. I visited one, found out the costwell over £3,000 a monthbut what choice do I have?

I rang Charles, told him it all. I hoped hed see sense, see the situation for what it was. Instead, he exploded:

Have you lost your mind? Shoving your own mother in with strangers? How do you know theyll treat her well? Youre heartless. He shouted down the phone. What, trying to boot her out of the house?

I tried to explain, but he wouldnt listen. This scene kept repeating. I began to realise Id reached my limit. I brought it up again, and again, Charles refused to see reason.

I cant do that to Mum. She raised us, sacrificed so much. We always had a home, never ended up in foster care. She never grumbled that she was struggling.

Well, its down to both of us, I retorted, weary. If you dont like my idea, she can move in with you. Show your compassion then.

You know I live in Victorias place. How will I convince her to look after my mother-in-law?

So William can care for his, but Victoria cant? I fired back. You and William live with Mum. Thats why he helps.

I told Charles I could walk away; let him and his wife rearrange their lives and handle the rest. He faltered, muttering about work commitments, suggesting I just wanted to shrug off my responsibilities.

I live in a waking nightmare. On the one hand, I know Mum would be safer and better cared for in a homeit frees us all. But the guilt gnaws at me. William supports me. He agrees: shell be cared for, and we can reclaim our lives.

Ive set a deadlinea week. If Charles doesnt step up, I will do what needs to be done. Thats best for all of us. Ill place her in a home. People can give all the opinions they like, but only I know the weight of caring for an ill parent. Charles can explain it however he wants to his friendsIm simply too exhausted to care.