My Neighbour (51) Has Lived Alone for 12 Years. Yesterday, I Asked Him Why He Isn’t Looking for a Partner—He Gave Me 6 Reasons. Now I Understand Why He’s Right

My neighbour, David, is 51 and has lived on his own for twelve years. Yesterday, I asked him why hes not looking for a woman. He gave me six reasons. To be honest, I get where hes coming from.

So last night, I popped round to Davids to borrow a drill. He opens the door wearing joggers and a T-shirt.

Come in, Ive just had dinner, he says.

I step inside. The flat is spotless. The aroma of roast chicken wafts from the kitchen. On the table, a laptop glows beside a glass of red wine.

Davids fifty-one. Divorced for over a decade. Lives alone and works as an engineer, earning about £3,000 a month.

Ive known him five years since I moved into this building. Never seen a woman at his place. Not once, not even as a guest.

He hands me the drill, pours some whisky.

Take a seat. Its been a while, he says.

We perch at the kitchen table, glasses in hand.

I ask, David, why are you still single? Not interested in meeting someone?

He smirks, Not exactly on the hunt, mate. Look, Simon, Ive spent twelve years living alone. And honestly, Im better off,

Whys that?

He tops up our drinks and leans back.

Six reasons. Hard-earned. Listen closely.

Reason one: the risk of financial ruin after a divorce

David starts, I got divorced twelve years ago. Was married to Helen for eighteen years. Weve got a daughter shes twenty-eight now, lives on her own.

He sips his drink.

She cheated with a bloke from work. I filed for divorce.

And?

The court split the flat straight down the middle. Never mind that I paid most of the mortgage. So, we sold up, shared the money, and I got this one-bed.

He looks at me.

Simon, I lost half my stuff because SHE cheated. And apparently, thats perfectly fair. I worked, I paid for the flat. She, meanwhile, had an affair and waltzed off with half.

Well, thats divorce

Exactly. So tell me, why would I risk that again? Suppose I meet someone, we move in, eventually marry, buy a car or whatnot together then she decides shes had enough and leaves. Who takes the hit again? Me.

I kept quiet. He wasnt done.

Reason two: women dont support mens dreams

You know, Simon, I have a dream. I want to buy an old motorbike. Restore it. Ride at weekends.

A cracking dream, that, I say.

Yeah. Ive been saving for a year. Another six months, Ill buy a Triumph from the seventies. Ill fix her up myself.

He takes a gulp of water.

When I was married, I had dreams too. Wanted to learn guitar. Bought one, booked some lessons. Helen says: Why bother? Youre forty, not Eric Clapton. So I gave it up. Wanted to go canoeing in the Lake District. She goes, Youre bonkers. Weve got bills, and you want to go off on a jolly? So I stayed home.

He stares out the window.

Women think mens dreams are a waste of time. Now I do what I want. No ones there to roll their eyes when I buy a motorbike.

Reason three: wildly inflated egos

David continues, A few years back, I tried online dating. Made an honest profile: age, job, salary, interests.

And?

Messaged with a few. One, Susan, forty-six, works reception at a beauty salon. Earns, what, fifteen hundred a month? She tells me, Youre interesting, but Im after someone making at least £5k a month.

He snorts.

I replied, How much do you earn, then? She blocks me. Just like that.

No way!

Oh yes. Simon, most women these days fancy themselves the Queen. Theyre renting, earning peanuts, but want a man with a nice car, mortgage-free, raking in six figures. All they offer in return is good energy.

He downs his whisky.

I earn enough, Ive my own place, a car. But to many women, Im a failure Im not a millionaire. Why bother with folk who cant appreciate you?

Reason four: Not exactly domestic goddesses

I ask, Dont you miss cozy home life? Someone to cook with?

David laughs, Look around, mate. Spotless, right? I do my own cleaning once a week; takes an hour. Cooking? Just made chicken with veg half an hour, simple as. Washing? The machine does it. I just press start.

He stands up, gestures to the kitchen.

I dont need a housekeeper. Most modern women cant even cook half live off takeaways.

Surely some can

They exist, but why do I need a cook if her terms are that I foot every bill? Id rather just feed myself.

Reason five: the minefield of lies and manipulation

David pours us both more whisky.

After my divorce, I dated two women. Didnt last.

What happened?

The first, Claire, said she was divorced. We dated a month. Turned out she was just after a fling still married, just wanted a bit on the side since hubby earned less than me.

He takes a drink.

The other, Megan, insisted she had no kids. After two months, turns out shes got two! Thought Id run if I knew. Women lie, Simon they see nothing wrong in hiding things, all to rope in a bloke. And then wonder why we dont trust them.

Reason six: punished for showing interest

David slumps in his chair.

Last time I tried to chat someone up was a year ago in Waterstones. Lady in the classics aisle, mid-forties, quite nice.

And?

I say, Hi, I see you like the classics. Need a recommendation? She looks back like Im Ted Bundy. Frosty: Thanks, Ill manage. Off she goes.

He shrugs.

Simon, any male initiative is deemed predatory now. Say hello youre a creep. Message on Facebook youre a stalker. Invite for coffee youre a gold digger.

Not all women are like that

Maybe not. But most are. Ive had enough rejections and chilly glares to last me a lifetime. If a woman is interested now, she can make the first move. I refuse to grovel.

Why I started thinking…

David finishes his whisky and looks at me.

Simon, I dont think all women are bad, but finding a good one these days? Needle in a haystack. Make a mistake, and itll cost you your savings, your peace of mind, and your time.

He stands.

Im fifty-one. Got a good job, my flat, a car, mates, hobbies. Im happy on my own. Why gamble all of that for a relationship thats almost certain to end with solicitors and sorrow?

I went home. Lay in bed, digesting his words.

Im forty-nine. Been married twenty-three years. Things are fine at home. But if I were on my own Would I do the same?

Probably.

Is David wise for staying single twelve years and dodging trouble, or just too scared to give romance another go?

Is divorce really a financial abyss for men, even when cheated on, or is that dramatic?

Is it sensible for a chap past fifty to swear off relationships because the risks have become too steep or just self-absorbed and a bit fearful?

And do women really dismiss mens dreams as nonsense, or do some men just pick the wrong ones?