I’m Over 50—Here’s What I Believe I Can Say on Behalf of British Men

No ordinary Englishman would ever go out with a wafer-thin woman, do you know why?

For over half a century we’ve been bombarded with strict beauty standards and an obsession with thinnessit’s like there’s a national competition for best stick figure. Recently, being slim has become a full-blown requirement, like you’ve got to be a sort of robotic poodle to fit in. Like it or not, if you dont dance to societys tune, youll be overlooked for promotions at work, or you won’t have a decent chap by your side.

Women watch their weight like its the nations gold reserve, fretting over every single ounce. Proper womenreal, lovely girls with actual curvesare vanishing from the covers of magazines. My mates and I, were not having it.

People are a mixed bunchbig noses, small noses, flat faces, expressive faces, blondes, brunettes; all of it is splendid. But saying one womans more attractive than another simply because shes lost six stone? Thats proper bonkers. No sensible Englishman would be drawn to that.

Mind you, we’re not looking for ladies who are so overweight their cheeks rest on their shoulders, of course. But a bit of roundness? That’s a plus in my book. Chubbier folk tend to be brilliant cooks.

Their fridges are always well-stocked, you’re not about to waste away or fade into thin air. They truly enjoy food, and what’s more, they love to share it with the people they care about.

If your girlfriends a bit of a dumpling, she wont put you on a diet or become some sour-faced dragon who dreams of peppering her bloke with kale. She wont serve you plain boiled barley with no meatthank you very much, I had enough of that in the scouts.

Youre always free to nibble pizza in front of the telly when you cant sleep. Have a bit of ice cream, too. The best part? She doesnt think shes some sort of goddess in need of constant worshipshes just glad youre there with her. But those slim-as-a-herring types are all drama and high-maintenance, trust me. So, I went for a curvier girl, and I’ve never been happier.