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My Neighbour Set Up a Smoking Area Right by My Door. I Dealt with It Firmly—She Never Expected How It Would End.
My neighbour decided to turn the landing outside my flat into her own smoking lounge. I dealt with it firmlyand she really didnt expect the result.
And who says this is your air? The stairwells for everyone. Ill smoke if I want, Ill spit if I want. Read the laws, woman!
Victoria, the twenty-year-old daughter of my neighbour Gail, blew a thick cloud of sickly-sweet vapour straight into my face. Two lads, sprawled on the windowsill between floors, let out braying laughs. The concrete floor was littered with cigarette butts, empty Red Bull cans, and sunflower seed husks.
Im John, by the way. I work as the chief accountant at a big factory in Leeds. I didnt cough or wave my hands around the way the kids expected. Instead, I adjusted my glasses and fixed Victoria with the sort of steely, measuring stare that makes even the most senior foremen sweat during audit week.
This is a shared area, Victoria, I said coolly. That means no smoking, no spitting, and no turning it into a pigsty. Youve got five minutes to clean this up. Otherwise, the conversation changes.
Ooh, scary! Victoria sneered, flicking ash all over the freshly mopped floor. Go have a cup of tea for your nerves. Fancy telling my mum? She said I could be here so I dont smoke up the flat.
The lads cackled. I shut my front door, shutting out the stairwell racket.
Inside, it smelled of roast potatoes and old woodthe comforting aroma of home now ruined by cheap tobacco wafting in through the keyhole. In the kitchen, hunched over the table, sat Paul.
Pauls thirty-two but looks nearly forty with his receding hair and stooped shoulders. Hes my late wifes nephew, been living with me for ten years now. Hes gentle, soft-spoken, a little awkward, with a stammer from childhood. He works in a watch repair shop, always the target for the neighbours jibes.
Theyre back again, John? he muttered, flinching at a bang from the hall.
Eat up, Paul. Its not your problem, I said, serving him potatoes. But inside, I was seething.
That evening, I knocked on Gails door. She answered in her dressing gown, phone pinned between her shoulder and ear, face slathered in a clay mask.
Gail, your daughters turned the landing into a den right outside my door. Smokes getting in, theres noise til all hours. Sort it, please.
She rolled her eyes, not pausing her chat.
Oh come on, John, let them be. Theyre young, where else would they go? Its cold out. Theyre not exactly druggies, just having a laugh. Lighten upno kids of your own, so you get wound up. And Pauls your local weirdo, what does he care?
Hit right where it hurt. I forced myself to breathe.
So its just kids being kids? And youve got a problem with my nephew? Very well, Gail. Message received.
I went home, sat at my desk, and pulled out a folder. Emotions are for the weak; for the strong, theres the lawthe Tenant Agreement and local Council bylaws.
The next week, I kept utterly quiet. Thinking the old grump had given in, Victoria set up camp for goodnow with a battered armchair rescued from the bin, and thumping music until after midnight.
The showdown came Friday.
Paul was coming back from work, carrying groceries and a small repair job for a customer, when one of Victorias mates, a cocky lad called Sour, stuck his foot out.
Paul tripped. The carrier bag ripped, apples rolled along the filthy floor, right into the pile of butts. The watch box skittered into the wall.
Oy, look at the ostrich go! Sour jeered.
Victoria lazily exhaled more smoke. Watch your feet, weird bloke. Dont stink up our space. Hurry up and pick em up before I get in a mood.
Pauls cheeks burned as he scrambled for the apples, hands shaking, eyes shining with helplessness. Hed got used to being nobody, to being bullied with no one to step in.
Thats when I opened the door. I stood there with my phone held up, the camera aimed squarely at Sour.
Littering, harassment, and property damage, I said, loud and clear. All filmed. Im calling the council, and tomorrow this goes to the housing association too.
Turn off your phone, old man! the lad snapped, but he didnt dare come closermy gaze has made harder men wilt.
Paul, get up, I ordered. Go inside.
But the apples he stammered.
Leave them. Theyre rubbish now. Just like everything on this landing right now.
Once hed gone in and closed the door, I faced a suddenly nervous Victoria.
Listen up, love. Did you really think Id spent a week putting up with this for nothing? Ive collected a full dossier.
Dossier, yeah? she scoffed, though her voice trembled.
Ive contacted the owner of your flat. Your mums not the owner, is she? The place belongs to your dad in Londonwho thinks his daughters a model student, not a troublemaker hosting rowdy parties on the landing.
Victoria went pale as paper. Her dads not just stricthes a tyrant, and keeps them supported only under strict rules.
You wouldnt dare she whispered.
I already have. He got photos and video ten minutes ago. Housing authorities have all the evidence toodates, times, filth, noise, smoke, the lot. Local councils coming round in half an hour. And your dads on the first train up tomorrow morning.
Saturday morning, the air in the stairwell fairly vibrated. I was having a cuppa when the bell rang.
On the doorstep stood a tall, broad man in a smart coatVictorias father, Anthony Barrett. At his side, Gail stood with red eyes, head low. Victoria was nowhere to be seen.
Mr. Smith? He spoke formally but firmly. I apologise for my daughter and my ex-wife. The landings being cleaned right now. Ill pay for reinstating the walls. Victorias moving into halls. No more money from me.
I nodded, accepting as my due.
Thats fair. But theres one more thing.
I called Paul over. He shuffled in, bracing himself.
Your visitor, yesterday, insulted my nephew and damaged his work, I said calmly. Pauls one of the best watch restorers in Yorkshire. He repairs movements the Swiss wont touch.
Anthonys eyes lit with interest as he looked at Paul.
A horologist?
R-r-restorer, Paul answered softly, tripping on the word.
Really now Ive a collection of Breguet pocket watches. Ones been stopped dead a yearthree workshops refused to try. Care to have a look?
Paul looked up. For the first time, someone saw him as a craftsman, not an oddball.
I I can try. If the spring isnt snapped.
Done, Anthony said, grasping Pauls thin hand. And Ill pay for the troubleand for what those idiots did. Sorry, mate. Seems I let her get away with too much. No hard feelings?
When the door shut, Paul gazed at his hand in wonder. He straightened his back. For the first time in years, he stood tall.
Auntie Lena, he said firmlybarely stammering, Ill, erm, go gather those apples, shall I? No sense letting good food rot.
I turned to the window so he wouldnt see my eyes getting misty.
Gather them up, Paul. And pop the kettle on. Todays a bit of a celebration.
Out on the landing, it was finally silent and spotless, the air laced with bleach and fresh paint. From our flat drifted the smell of pies baking and Pauls steady, sure voice as he explained the secrets of a tourbillon mechanism to me.
The smoking lounge was closed. For good.
