Flawless Response

Molly, are you ready yet? Im going to be late for school! called out Victoria as she gave her brother Daniels last shirt a good shake and pegged it onto the line strung across the flats balcony. It wasnt enclosed, and the walls were flaking, but it was her favourite spot in the house.

Victoria stepped up to the railing and, as always, found herself pausing for a moment. From the seventh floor, she had a brilliant view of the Thames and the city beyond. The dawn was in full swing, bathing everything in spring sunshine. Victoria narrowed her eyes against the brightness and tightened her thin fingers around the metal railings. This is lifebright and beautiful, everything ahead and dazzlingly new! For her, too. Everything would work out, as long as she just managed to organise herself properly.

A cloud slid over the sun, and everything dimmed for a moment. Victoria started and shook herself awake. The brightness fadedreality returned, suddenly sharp and ordinary. Thats always how it was: first, youre lost in dreams, then snap! Back to everyday life. But what was it Alice used to say? Reality is what we make of it? Its up to us? She was probably right. Smart womanshe finished at uni, after all. She kept saying Victoria could get in as well, if she put her mind to it. But wanting it wasnt enough. Things had to be weighed up properly. The way things were, her father couldnt manage on his own. Her little brother and sister were still so young, money was desperately tight, and Victoria knew shed have to chooseuniversity or a job. Right now, working and helping Dad was the only real choice.

She glanced at the tiny watch her father had given her when she was seven and gasped. Theyre going to be late! She scooped up the empty basket and shoved open the balcony door.

Molly was still fast asleep, her hand under her cheek, looking so sweet that Victoria had to pause to admire her sister. She was lovelylashes so long they rested on her soft cheeks, her blonde curls scattered over the pillow. Mollys hair took a lot of looking after, but Victoria would never cut it. That sort of beauty was preciousher mums hair was just the same. Victoria frowned. She preferred not to think of her mother. You could forgive a person a lot, but not betrayal, and her mother had betrayed them, and left. Molly was just a toddler; she cant even remember their mum. When she was little, shed call Victoria Mum, which used to earn a few odd looks down at the playground. Victoria smiled, recalling the first time the other women had all descended on her, tutting and gossiping away.

Theyd moved to this flat after their grandmother died and left it to her father. The small two-bed where theyd been before just couldnt fit them all anymore, and here in Grandmas four-bedroom, there was room to breathe.

Grandma had been strict and distanta university professorso shed never really mixed with the neighbours, always dismissing them as simple or dull. When Victoria was little, she hadnt really understood it, but as she grew up, she tried to visit less often. She couldnt stand the way Grandma talked to people, never mind to her own family. Still, Victoria always came to help, gritting her teeth and doing her best to keep her mouth shut.

Youre just like your mother. I doubt youll come to much, unless one of our family traits shows up after all. Mind you, your fathers a right dull stick, so I wouldnt count on it. The only thing that could possibly save you is education! Study or youll end up like your mum.

Victoria would never answer backwhat was the point? Grandma never tolerated contradiction. Her dad didnt scold her, even after Grandma complained about her, but Victoria could see the shadow pass over his face and how he retreated into himself for the rest of the day, and knew that was punishment enough. So she did her chores and left as quickly as she could. Just once, shed lost her temper.

Your brother and sister, theyre probably not even your fathers children. So as far as Im concerned, theyre no relation of mine! And I forbid you from ever mentioning them in this house, do you hear?

Then I wont come here anymore! Victoria clenched her fists, glaring at her grandmother.

What did you say? Grandmas surprise was so obvious that Victoria cooled off a little, despite wanting to smash every dusty porcelain figurine shed spent hours polishing for Grandma, all watched like a hawk. Grandma cared more for those than her own family. That was why the little ones werent allowed overhaving children around might put those precious figures at risk.

Im not coming back! Victoria dashed out, barely stopping for her coat, and ran home. Molly was gurgling away in the playpen. Victoria kicked off her boots, lifted her sister and hugged her close.

Youre mine. And so is Daniel. Were all familywhoever says otherwise. We dont need anyone else.

Dad peered out from the bathroom where he was washing the kids things, surprised to see Victoria crying in the middle of the room, Molly running her little fingers over her cheeks and then starting to bawl herself. Daniel, settling down to do his homework in the kitchen, ran in and stared at their father.

Whats got into them?

Ive no idea.

Women! He rolled his eyes and hugged his sisters. Come on then, cry-babies! Dyou want dinner? Dad and I made pasta.

Grandma called an hour later. Victoria quietly put her half-washed plate aside, switched off the tap and listened to her fathers voice go from surprise, to annoyance, then to full-on anger. She sat on the chair, knees hugged to her chest, bracing herself for whatever row was coming.

But nothing came. That evening, her dad came into the kitchen, hugged her and kissed her head.

You dont have to see your grandmother again.

Why?

Because no oneand I mean no onehas the right to belittle you or your family. Not even your own kin.

Victoria sighed with relief. No more of those long, tiresome days or endless rows. She could focus on her own life and the younger ones.

Her grandmother passed away a year and a half later. Victoria did start visiting her in the last two months, after going with her father to the hospital. The frail old woman, lost in those white sheets, hardly seemed like her bustling, bossy grandmother. Only her way of talking to others remained unchanged. Watching Grandma boss the nurses around, Victoria squeezed her fathers hand.

Ill stay with her.

Love, you dont need to

Its right that I do.

The nurses clearly felt relieved to have someone there to run interference. Victoria attended school in the afternoons, so shed come in for the morning rounds, calmly sitting by her gran, which seemed to mellow her out just enough for the nurses to get on with their jobs.

Youre an extraordinary girl, the head nurse told her, hugging her shoulders. As for your gran try not to carry a grudge. People like her, with no love in their hearts, they never know happiness themselves. It’s a sorry life. They go, having understood neither themselves nor the world.

On the last day Victoria saw her, her gran was weirdly quiet, gazing out at the gloomy sky. Victoria finished jotting down an essay in her notebook, packed it away, and stood.

I have to go.

Wait The voice was so frail that Victoria turned, surprised. Forgive me, will you? For everything… I made such a mess of life… Look after your dad

Victoria nodded, picked up her rucksack and headed for the door. After a second, she went back and gently kissed her grans cheek.

Rest up. Ill come by this evening.

As she left she saw Grandma turn away, hiding her eyes. She dashed out. Nearly an hour to get to schooljust enough time if she hurried.

Her gran died that very day. Victoria listened silently to the news, gathered up her siblings and took them to their room. The loss wasnt a crushing blow for her, but for her father well, shed been his mother, after all. She knew hed sit at the kitchen table, staring into space, and then wipe away his tears and get back to making the tea for tomorrow.

The move was hard. Molly was ill, Daniel was relentlessly difficult, refusing to behave or do his work. Dad was run ragged between shifts, and Victoria boxed up what she could, sending her silent wishes that things would be better in their new home. She wasnt sure who she was asking, but she felt someone might be listening.

In their grandmothers flat, everyone found their own space and wandered off, puzzled at being apart. But soon, Mollys bed was in Victorias roomher sister rarely slept through the night and always came to her. Daniel wouldnt leave the kitchen, where Victoria spent most of her own time. They made a habit of sitting and doing their homework together, talking as they went.

Add some salt to the potatoes! Victoria was working on a physics problem. Numbers and formulas never came easy.

Vic, the soups boiling, what next?

Hang on, she set her pen down and moved to chop the veg.

These negative numbersnothing adds up for me! Vic?

Bring it over, Ill have a look.

Molly sat at her little table nearby, scribbling away. If her big siblings were working, so would she.

For a while after moving, Victoria struggled. With her father at work, the younger kids were her responsibility. Daniel she could reason with, but Molly was tougher. Nursery helped, but Molly was always catching some bug, so Victoria ended up missing school to care for her, until Alice came along.

Shed met Alice, the neighbour from their building, by chance. A week after they moved in, Victoria was in the playground with Molly. The day was warm and the place was full of children and parents, grannies, mindersall watching, and all gossiping. Molly wanted the swings, but there was a queue.

Mum! Mollys clear little voice rang out across the playground, and all the women drew in.

A mother? Her? Heavens sake, how old is she? What a disgrace!

The busy-bodies pounced with their opinions, and before she knew it, there was a hullabaloo around her.

Molly wailed for the swings, and Victoria just wanted to escape with her sister.

Whats going on here then?

Victoria jumped. For a moment, it was as if Grandma was backthe same crisp, steely tone that silenced all the gossiping women.

Alice! Hi there! A well-dressed young woman scooped up her son.

Good thing youre hereour new neighbour nearly set the hen coop flapping, Alice snorted, giving the muttering women a look, grabbed her bag of toys, and started towards the flats.

Whats the problem? Alice surveyed the group.

It was one of the elderly neighbours, most vocal about the disgrace of it all, who stuck her hands on her hips.

Just look at it, Alice! A girl, a baby herself, and here she is with a child! You know the law, youre the clever one. Is this alright? Shouldnt someone do something? Hows a child supposed to bring up a child? Ridiculous! Give her to proper adultsthis girl should be in school, not looking after kids!

And? That all? Alice raised an eyebrow.

Victoria knew the woman wanted to say more. People always did, somehow, especially when no one wanted to hear it. But she quieted, grumbled, and dragged her granddaughter away.

Shows over, Alice shrugged. Next time, sort the facts before starting a protest. Whos this little one to you?

My sister.

Any more questions?

The crowd quietly drifted away.

Whats your name?

Victoria. This is Molly.

You already know mine. We dont need formalitiesI hate that.

SoAlice or Miss?

God forbid! Im not old enough for Miss anything, Alice laughed. Just Alice or Ali will do. Hardly any age gap between us really.

Even later, Victoria would never quite remember how Alice became her friend. Some would say a friendship between a teenager and a young woman pushing thirty was odd, but sometimes life gives you what you need. That was that.

It didnt take Victoria long to see why Alice was respected (and a little feared) by the neighbours. As a family lawyer, everyone went to her sooner or later, and she was the soul of discretion.

You wouldnt believe the things I know about them, Alice laughed one day as they took down curtains for washing. These are beautiful, but a nightmare to cleanso fussy.

Why are they all afraid of you? Victoria asked, folding a curtain. Alice balanced on the windowsill, reaching to unhook the endsa waif-like figure in shorts and a t-shirt, not much older-looking than Victoria herself.

Everyone wants to look respectable, said Alice. “If the neighbours think youre decent, you start to believe it yourself. But imagine if people found out you hadnt paid child support, or abandoned your mum for her flat image shattered, reputation ruined. Understand?

Victoria nodded. She did. Thats why her father had wanted to moveto get away from those who knew why her mother wasnt around.

Alice became the only person Victoria ever confided in about her mum. Shed got so used to keeping things inside that shed never considered this might be harmful. The hurt hovered, the questions wouldnt let her rest. What if Grandma was right, and she ended up just like her mother?

One day, Alice asked a favour.

Ive got a hearing today, heaven knows how long itll drag on, then the GP after work, and then a meeting. Would you mind popping in to feed my cat? Hell howl the house down if hes ignored.

Hes just a cat, Alice.

Alice grinned. Not just any cat. If you ignore him, hell see to it I get no sleepsits on my chest and bats my face till I wake up.”

Cant you just shut him out?

She beckoned Victoria over and nudged the kitchen door, where a big tabby, Bagheera, was snoozing on the sofa.

One, two, three! she whispered.

A thumping crash shook the door.

Blimey!

Exactly. All night if I let him. Come here, you crosspatch! She scooped up Bagheera, who growled as he settled in her arms. Sometimes I think he owns me, not the other way round.

She showed Victoria the food and left.

Victoria was delayed at school, then Molly dithered picking a chocolate at the shop, and Daniel needed help with his homework, so Victoria only got to Alices after eight.

Sorry, Bagheera! Heres your supper, she said, putting the food into his dish.

The front door banged and Alice strode in, dropped her bag onto the sofa and sagged into a chair.

Thanks for coming.

Alice, I

She waved her off, then and suddenly burst into tears, her head in her hands. Victoria was stunnedAlice had always seemed unshakeable, so strong But now? Victoria slipped into the chair beside her and hugged her gently.

Sorry Just a rubbish day, and theres no one to talk to. Mums gone. Theres no one else.

But youve got me, said Victoria. Im not invisible, am I?

Alice smiled through her tears, ruffling Victorias hair.

Curls Always wanted them. You know, women always want what they havent got. It’s a life truth. I always wanted curls and a baby.

She fell silent.

Curls, you can do at a salon, Victoria said quietly. But a baby?

Victoria knew she was sticking her nose in, but if a persons struggling and has no one to talk to? Alice had done so much for herhelped her with Molly, watched over Daniel, even helped them sort the new flat.

Alice wiped her eyes and pulled out a clear folder from her bag.

A babywell, heres my fate. I cant have children. Not now. And its no ones fault but my own. Sometimes mistakes cost more than you expect.

Alice had got pregnant fastthe sort of thing that takes some people months or years. She and Tomher husbandhad been over the moon. Theyd known each other all their lives, their parents were friends, theyd always been together. Getting married was a given. Plans, hopes, the works. They wanted a baby but kept putting it offjust until the promotion came through, until they had a bit more in the bank, until the new flat. Then suddenly it happened.

But what about the trip to Greece? shed asked Tom, nervously. Its all booked.

So? Well go! Its early days, you need some sunshine, then well plan.

So off they went, thinking of everything except the teenager on a moped. Alice woke up in hospital.

She lost the baby. Broken ribs and leg mended slowly. Her doctor told Tom to keep her spirits up.

How am I supposed to do that? Tom snapped. All she does is cry.

Their marriage couldnt stand it. Alice was lost in her own grief, barely remembering that Tom had lost their baby too. Before long, they divorced.

Eventually, time numbed things. Nearly a year passed before she ran into her ex in court, and realised the pain had faded, leaving only traces of old friendship. They spent a whole night talking at hers after the cafe closed, remembering old times, laughing, gently avoiding the painful bits. Gradually, things warmed up between them again. They werent the kids firing stones at apples in the garden anymore. So, when Tom proposed again, Alice didnt say yes immediately.

Now Ive thought it through, Alice said, wiping her eyes and pushing the folder away. But I cant do this to him. He always wanted children.

But are you sure? The doctors they cant be wrong? Victoria touched the plastic folder.

They say theres no hope.

But maybe theyve made a mistake? Theyre only human. Is there even a tiny chance?

Hardly any at all.

Then youll just have to take the risk! Try, and then cry about it later if you must.

Alice hugged Victoria. Thanks. Where did you get so wise? Youre still so young.

I had good teachers, Victoria muttered, putting the kettle on.

Will you tell me? You never said why you just have your dad. What about your mum? Go ontruth for truth.Victoria hesitated, letting the kettle click off as steam curled ceilingward. She watched Alices hands, slender and tired, folded quietly in her lap.

My mum left us, she said softly. She thought she was meant for something biggersaid she couldnt breathe here, with the mess and all of us. One day she just didnt come home. I was twelve. Molly was still in nappies.

Alice shook her head, but didnt interrupt.

At first I was angry, Victoria went on, her throat thick. Grandma blamed Dad, Dad blamed himself, and Daniel He still wont talk about it. I used to think that maybe if I did everything perfectly, kept the house neat, got good grades, maybe shed come back.

She looked up. Sometimes I still dream she walks in, hugging us, apologising, picking Molly up and twirling her round. Then I wake up, and I realiseits us now. We do our best. Even on the hard days. And sometimesher voice grew steadiersometimes good things come after the hard bits, like this flat. Or new friends.

Alice reached out and squeezed her hand.

Maybe youre right, she said, her eyes bright. Maybe theres more hope in the world than we let ourselves see.

Mollys sleepy call drifted from the hallway, and Victoria smiled, feeling a deep ache and warmth tangled together in her chest. Time to get her back to bed. Thanks for trusting me, Alice.

Thank you, Victoria, Alice replied. For reminding me families are made, not just born.

Outside the window, the city faded under the gold of dusk. Victoria helped Molly into her coat and led her home. In the stairwell, Molly clung to her hand, her curls glowing in the lamplight. Victoria glanced over at Daniels shadow in their kitchen, hands flying over his workbook, and her heart settledsoft, steady, strong.

They belonged to each other. And in that belonging, ordinary liferows and laughter and dishes and homework and swings in the parkbecame extraordinary, bright with possibility, strong enough to hold whatever dreams tomorrow would bring.