I’ll Always Be by Your Side

Ill Always Be Here

Oh, for heavens sake, dont start again! Weve talked about this a hundred times already! Why bring it up now? Emily waved her hand wearily and turned her attention back to the stove.

Today had been what youd call a downright gloomy day. It began at five in the morning when her son Jamie padded into her bedroom and gently tapped her shoulder.

Mum, my throats sore.

Still half-asleep, Emily touched his forehead with her lips, and all traces of sleep vanished at once.

Youve got a temperature, sweetheart. Come on, lets go. Emily picked Jamie up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. The last thing she wanted was to hear Pauls complaints about losing his sleep.

She checked Jamies temperature, gave him some medicine, and put him back to bed. Seeing the time, she decided there was no sense in lying down herself, better to wait for the surgery to open and ring for the doctor. Once Jamie fell asleep, Emily slipped into the kitchen, brewed herself a strong coffee, and went over to the window.

This winter had been unexpectedly snowy. The communal gardens were blanketed in crisp, undisturbed snow, with only a few sets of prints showing where early risers had hurried off to work. Out of the corner of her eye, Emily caught a flicker of movement and couldnt help laughing quietly. Mrs. Whites cat, Basil, was bouncing around the garden, burying himself almost entirely in snowdrifts before popping back out, utterly unfazed by the wintry chaos. Basil, as free-spirited as ever, simply refused to use a litter trayhed make his demands heard down the whole corridor if Mrs. White wasnt quick enough with the door. Yet, to his credit, thered never been a single accident indoors. Only yesterday, as Emily was on her way to collect Jamie from nursery, shed seen Basil trotting confidently outside, grumbling as he went.

Go on, then! As if youve got something to complain about. Hello, Emily, love! Just look at this rascal. Youd think hes the one in charge, not me. Cheeky so-and-so! I stayed late at work, and now this is my payment.

Morning, Mrs. White! Quite the character, isnt he?

Oh, the very picture of responsibility! Thats my fate, it seems, raising serious men, cats included”

Emily just smiled and nodded, moving along. There wasnt really anything one could add. Mrs. Whites son, Matthew, truly was a serious sortclever, sharp, with a great sense of humour. Pity most people didnt see it; to them, he was a bespectacled, slightly built lad that girls tended to overlook. But Emily had been friends with him for as long as she could remember. For as long as shed known herself, Matthew had always been there, especially when she needed him most.

Emilys mother, Irene, had been killed by a car on a zebra crossing. Shed been crossing perfectly properly, but even that didn’t save her. For Emily, that made it ten times worse she’d always believed playing by the rules meant nothing could hurt you.

She and Matthew were just ten at the time. Emily, whod never lost anyone before, clammed up completely, saying nothing and just cryingshutting herself away, shaking her head at any attempt at comfort, hiding in other rooms or the bathroom. Whenever she was alone, shed curl up in a corner and drift off. The psychologist her father took her to sounded the alarm, saying the stress was already taking its toll on her health.

It was Matthew who helped. Having lost his own dad two years earlier, he, more than any adult, understood what Emily was going through. He all but moved in, and Mrs. White, feeling so sorry for little Emily, never minded. She and the neighbours did what they couldbrought round food, looked after Emily when her father had to go out. So it was, no one said a word when Matthew spent all day at Emilys, helping her with schoolwork, reading to her, trying to coax her into a game, walking her to dance and gymnasticsher mums hope for Emily to be graceful, to stay healthy Little by little, that serious boys care thawed Emily out. And when they found a stray kitten on the street and took it to Mrs. Whites, it was the first time Emily had spoken since the accidentasking for milk to feed the kitten. Mrs. White handed over a bottle and quietly whispered, Thank goodness shes coming back.

The kitten stayed with Matthew, as it turned out Emilys father, David Harding, had an allergy.

Matthew was always by her side when he could be. Emily got so used to his presence, she saw him as an extension of herself. Both only children, theyd found the family they were missing in each otherloyalty, friendship, a bond deeper than siblings.

Sometimes, no words were needed. Emily could start a sentence, and Matthew would finish it. Adults quietly marvelled at their connection, but let it be, knowing their unusual friendship was a small balm for two nearly orphaned children.

It was only near the end of sixth form that problems started creeping in. Emily grew into a clever, beautiful girl, never short of admirers, which Matthew observed in silence. But he said nothing, knowing full well Emily wasnt interested, at least until Paul came along. Shed met him after slipping outside the leisure centre, where she went to gymnastics.

You all right? Here, let me help you. A tall, good-looking chap reached out a hand, helping her up. Stairs are a right death traplike an ice rink, honestly! Everything all right? Nothing broken?

Looking up into his face, Emily was smitten. Shed always said she didnt believe in love at first sightjust poetic nonsense, reallybut now the cliché hit her full force.

Im done for, Matthew! Absolutely done for! Hes just

What? Matthew frowned, but she wasnt having any of his sensible questions.

How do I put it The best. Emily twirled around the room. You could at least be pleased for your best friend!

For my best friend Yes, of course I am. Matthew forced a smile and left, making an excuse.

Emily barely noticed, wrapped up in her own thoughts. She and Paul dated over three years before deciding they were old enough to settle things, letting their parents know and filing the forms at the registry office.

Shame I have to pick a bridesmaid. What for? Why cant a bride just have her best friend, eh? Emily was fussing in front of the mirror, trying on the dress that was being hemmed for her.

Matthew, having brought her to the dressmaker, was perched on a settee, watching her and trying to look composed, though the seamstress nearly threw him out:

The grooms not meant to see the dress!

Hes not the groom! Emily giggled. Hes my friend.

Friend Right replied the dressmaker with a knowing look.

Oh, whats so strange? Matthew joined in. Cant people be friends? Emily, we need to pick up the cake after this, remember. Ive work later.

Give me a sec! Emily whisked off to change, and Matthew sagged forward, exhausted.

Thinking back to her quickfire marriage and those early years, Emily often wondered how shed not seen in Paul everything that would eventually become so irritatingeven enraging. Having grown up with her knight, shed always expected to be the princessrescued, adored, looked after. As it turned out, princes came in all sorts.

The warning signs began when she got seriously ill six months into their marriage. What started as a mild case of tonsillitis turned into something far worse, as Emily foolishly pushed on, eager to be the perfect wife, until she ended up needing expensive private tests. Paul was outraged:

Thats ridiculous! That moneys for our holiday! Youre young, youre fine, theyre just after our savings, making old ladies out of you!

Emily listened in disbelief.

Are you serious?

Of course.

Paul Her throat tightened like it had in childhood, her words squeezed out. A holidays more important to you than my health?

Nothing wrong with you! Stop making a fuss. Well go somewhere sunny, youll relax and be right as rain. Youre just tired, thats all. He hugged her, oblivious to the fact that, for the first time, she didnt hug back.

It was Emilys father who paid for the tests, saying nothing to Paul, just thinking his own thoughts.

Nearly a year went by before Emily regained her strength, though she was never quite the sameher heart still gave her trouble. So, when Emily found out she was expecting and went for her first appointments, they immediately labelled her high-risk.

Dont get me wrong, just please listen, the doctor said, scanning her notes. You really need to think about this. Pregnancys a huge strain on the body. Youre doing all right now, but how things will go

Theres nothing to think about. Im having my baby.

Well, all right. Then well do our best.

And they did. For the last three months, Emily was practically confined to hospital bed rest. Jamie was born on time and healthy, but only a couple of people truly knew what it had cost herher dad and Matthew. It was then Emily really saw how little she figured in Pauls life. When he found out Emily and the baby were fine, he celebrated so enthusiastically he disappeared for three days, phone switched off, leaving Emily frantic. She begged her dad to see if Paul was all right, but he showed up, sombre and silent:

Its fine, love. Dont get yourself worked up.

She finally understood this wasnt her fairytale, never would be. The only thing that kept her from filing for divorce as soon as she left hospital was the way Paul took to his son.

To Paul, Jamie was a marvel, and oddly enough, he was an attentive fathergetting up at night, changing nappies, taking him out. When Jamie got bigger, Paul tried to spend as much time with him as he could. Still, there were times when Jamie drove Paul up the wall and hed hand him off to Emily, not wanting to be disturbed; yet, an hour later, he was back to being Dad of the Year. This peculiar split in Pauls attitude unsettled Emily. Was this normal? One moment adoring, the next, impatient? But most days the good outweighed the bador so it seemed.

With Paul and Emily, though, their paths never quite crossedthey lived in parallel, almost textbook geometry.

Jamie was ill a lot as a small child, so Emily barely had time to ponder her odd marriage, running from GP to hospital, rarely asking Paul for help (who knew what mood hed be in this time?). He could be considerateor he could go ballistic at the slightest request. Fed up, Emily began to manage on her own. Her dad helped her get her driving licence, looking after Jamie as she took lessons. Later, David bought her a nippy but reliable second-hand carnot to rely on Pauls whims.

David had long since formed his opinion of Paul but kept quiet, waiting for Emily to come to her own. Only once, when Jamie was two and Emily, exhausted from nights battling his fever and tears, finally crashedhanding her sleeping boy to her father and falling asleep on the living room floordid David say:

Emily, love, Im not one for advice or prying. Just know, youre not alone. All right?

Thanks, Dad. I knowIm just not ready yet, you see? She hugged him. I cant talk about it now, not until Im sureIm still Pauls wife.

David only nodded, pulling her close.

All the while Emily battled for Jamies health, Matthew cropped up wherever neededcollecting medicine when Emily couldnt leave Jamies side and Paul was unreachable or at work; taking Jamie to appointments when her car broke down; sorting her car when it went on the blink. Emily knew she was probably taking advantage of Matthews kindness, but what could she do? He was the only one she absolutely trusted.

And now, looking at the snowy garden, Emily thought about how Matthew would be returning from a business trip todayjust in time to give her a lift to the surgery if the home visit couldn’t materialise, since her car was out of action again (and badly this time). Money was tight. Paul claimed everything was tied up in his business, and Emilys part-time salary barely covered essentials, as she was often on the sick looking after Jamie. They were lucky to have Davids old flat to live inhed moved out to his cosy, converted cottage for peace and quiet.

Emily checked her watch and called the surgery. She lucked out; their GP was back from leave and accepted the home visit straight away.

Putting aside her phone, Emily set about making breakfast just as Paul wandered into the kitchen, bleary-eyed.

What now? Why all the commotion in the night?

Jamies ill. Her voice was calm.

So you had to tramp around all night? Typical. I cant sleep, anyway. Im off to showerget breakfast done quick, will you? Ive got loads on today.

Without a word, Emily turned to the hob. She was mainly cooking for Jamie, who when ill loved his recovery food, as Emily called it. This morning she was making drop scones, Jamies favouriteand, as it happened, Pauls.

So, have you spoken with your dad?

No.

What are you waiting for?

As I said, Im not going to ask him to sign this flat over to us. I wont do it, Paul.

Your stubbornness is driving me mad. How much longer? I pay for everything here, but Ive no stake. All you ever do is ask for money, for you, for Jamie. I slave away, havent had a holiday in years and its still not enough, is it?

Paul went on, but Emily had tuned him out. Something inside snapped, a final string holding them together, weighed down with old memoriestheir first dates, kisses, the gentle affection that had once lived between them, their wedding, Jamies birth

She quietly set down the spatula, turned to face Paul, and said in a low voice, Ill say this once. You need to hear me. Today youll pack your things and move out. Were divorcing, Paul. I refuse to live like this any longer. Lets focus not on bickering over money, but on Jamie, on being decent parents even if were not under the same roof.

At first Paul looked taken aback, then tried to argue but eventually fell silent, throwing his fork onto the table.

You done? Just think about what youre saying, will you? Ill be back laterhopefully youll have calmed down.

No, Paul. I mean it this time. After all these years, you know what that means?

Means youve lost your mind. Whod want you now? With a child? Well see If you change your tune, well talk. Ill be at my parents.

As you like. Emily turned away, fighting back tears.

Paul left without another word, slamming the door. Emily sank onto a chair and finally let herself sob. By the time Jamies small footsteps tapped toward the kitchen, shed wiped her eyes and plastered on a smile.

So, the worlds bravest boy! Hungry?

Im not that hungry, Mum. My heads hurting too.

Drop scones and a bit of jam might help?

Definitely! Jamie grinned. With extra jam!

Absolutely.

After the doctors visit, which ended with prescriptions and instructions, Emily readied herself for the chemist and was about to ring her father when someone knocked at the door. Only Matthew ever knockednever ringing the bell; their secret code.

Hey.

Hi. How are you two? Matthew held a box with a toy car. Emily couldnt remember the last time Paul bought Jamie anythingit was always Emily or Matthew who showed up with presents.

Jamies not well again. Would you mind sitting with him while I dash to the pharmacy?

Not a problem. Or I could gogot a list?

Emily handed him the slip from her bag.

Matthew had barely stepped out when Emilys phone vibrated.

Emily Harding?

Thats right.

This is St. Georges Hospital. Your fathers been admitted.

What happened? Emilys grip on the phone tightened so hard her knuckles turned white.

Hes had a heart attack. Hes stable, but its serious.

Ill come right away.

She began rushing around in panicher father had never complained of heart trouble. Now it hit her, how easily someone you love could be snatched away.

She rang Paul, more out of reflex than sense.

Paul

What, come to your senses? Now its my turn to

Paul, my dads in hospital. A heart attack.

So? What do you expect from me? Youre divorcing me, right?

Emily stared at the phone in disbelief, then hung up.

When Matthew returned from the pharmacy, he found Emily standing, coat on, in the hallway.

My dads in hospital. Heart attack.

Say no more. Matthew nipped back for his mum; Mrs. White agreed to watch Jamie, and he drove Emily straight to St. Georges.

They waited all afternoon and evening for news. Sitting in the hospital corridor, nothing was said, nothing needed to be. At last, Emily broke the silence.

Thank you Im so glad youre here.

Ill always be here for you.

I know, Matthew. Now I truly know.

When the doctor eventually appeared, he found Emily fast asleep, head on Matthews shoulder. He nudged her gently awake.

Your dads stable and in a room now. Theres a long recovery ahead, but the worst is over. You can go home, check visiting times with the desksee him tomorrow.

Emily hugged Matthew, all her pain spilling out in tears, feelingat long lastthe weight start to lift.