WHEN VICKY INTRODUCED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO HIS MUM FOR THE FIRST TIME…

HOW VICTOR INTRODUCED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO HIS MOTHER…

Mum, this is my girlfriend Emily… Victor attempted to say it in an offhand way, but his nerves crept into his voice all the same. And, well, we want to you know do that I mean sort of

Oh, I know well enough what youre after, his mother replied, giving a close look at her sons chosen young lady, But is Emily after the same thing? Emily, do you really know my son?

I do indeed, the soon-to-be fiancée answered with no trace of embarrassment, I know him inside and out.

I beg your pardon? The startled mother even reverted to formality, Is that how young ladies speak nowadays?

And why not? Emily grinned, Theres a common saying where Im fromknow someone like the back of your hand. But why dwell on Victor? We should spend time getting to know one another. Perhaps were not even compatible.

In what way? stammered Victors mother.

Well, Emily replied, Well have to wait up together when Victor stays out late with his friends. Well both get to listen to his drunken snores.

Whats this got to do with me? Victors mother tried, rather helplessly, to change the subject. Youll be sleeping in a separate room… Id hope.

Oh, but youll be sitting by the door in worry. All mums do.

Excuse me… Victor interjected, baffled by the direction of the conversation, Why are you talking about me like this?

Hush! the women both said at once.

So, Mrs. Thompson, I wanted to askdo you ever throw things or have a bit of a scrap? Victor wouldnt tell me.

What do you mean, fight? Mrs. Thompsons eyes widened incredulously. Surely women dont brawl?

Oh, but some do, Emily chuckled, Some wives could give a boxer a run for their money.

Heavens above! Mrs. Thompson pressed her palms over her face. Such language What drama!

Oh, dont fret Emily gave Victors mother a conspiratorial smile, Admit it, havent you ever wanted to box your dear husbands or even your sons ears?

Well Mrs. Thompson almost confessed, but caught herself, No. Never.

I appreciate your efforts to be proper, Emily smiled, but I wont believe it. How can anyone have such a boy as Victor and never want to discipline him? By the way, did you ever give him a smack on the bottom when he was little?

Absolutely not! This time Mrs. Thompson spoke the truth.

Oi! Victor piped up again, only to hear, yet again:

Hush!

You spoiled him, Mrs. Thompson, Emily said, patting Victors behind with mock solemnity. With a bottom that attracts so much mischief, it needs what it asks for. Still, Victors a good lad. Hes redeemable. In any case, Mrs. Thompson, shall we have some tea? Tea brings out the truth in a conversation. Ive brought a lovely cake to go with.

That evening when her husband returned from work, Mrs. Thompson announced before Victor, Dear! Our Victor is finally getting married!

Good gracious! You dont say! the father exclaimed.

Hold on, Im just thinking about it, Victor corrected.

No, son, his mother said sternly, This time, youre definitely getting married. And if you change your mind, Ill adopt Emily as my own daughter.

Mum, she isnt an orphan, Victor smirked. Shes got parents already.

Well, that makes no difference, Mrs. Thompson said firmly, Then Ill take you straight back to the hospital and tell them youre not mine. And your father will back me up.

If needs must, I willon my honour! His father nodded, shaking a hearty fist at him.