Why I Don’t Want to Leave My Children with Their Grandmothers – My Honest Experience as a Stay-at-Ho…

Let me share why Im not comfortable leaving my children in the care of their grandmothers.

Im 31 and raising two daughtersSophie, three, and Emily, one. I dont have a job outside of the home; I chose to be a full-time mum. When my first daughter was born, I naively assumed, as many do, that the grandmothers will help at first. But what I found was quite the opposite: their involvement was often more challenging than helpful, and in the end, I had to manage everything myself.

Allow me to explain.

After Sophie was born, and especially once I came home from hospital, I felt completely lost. I didnt have the faintest idea what to do with a newborn. All the things that feel routine and easy to me now, as a mother of two, felt overwhelming back then. Of course, no one hands you a manual on how to care for a baby!

Somehow, I expected the older, more experienced generation to know exactly how to change nappies, bath a baby, feed them, trim their nails, and treat small ailments. In reality, their views were not only outdated, but totally at odds with one anothereven about simple things like giving baby a bath!

Eventually, I learned to master nappy-changing and everything else on my own. I am deeply grateful for everything my mother and mother-in-law have done for our family, but sometimes I can only smile at the advice they offer.

Grandmother 1 (my mother-in-law):

– You should say a prayer over the water before letting the baby drink it.
– Years later, I just bought a water filter.
– You must use carbolic soap for the baby to wash with. You should use it on rashes too.
– Your children are always ill because youre raising them wrong.
– If your child wont stop crying, you should take her to a healershell sort it out.

Grandmother 2 (my mum):

– Crying? Nothing to worry aboutitll pass on its own.
– If they have a temperature, give them a tablet, itll be fine.
– You spoil them with too many toys. Children need less to be happy.
– Ill pop in at 1pm Saturday to see the girls, but I have to dash off to the cinema by foursame every weekend!
– Sweets and salty snacks? They can start having those at six months, no problem. If they want it, just let them try a bit.

I love my mum, but I now find myself questioning a lot about how we were brought up! I remember being left with my gran, where wed eat nothing but spaghetti all day, and at home, there was always heavy, fatty food. More than once, my coughs were brushed off, and I ended up with whooping cough. Now its no mystery why I have digestive problems and my liver has had more than its fair share to handle.

All in all, I have a great relationship with both grandmothers, but honestly, I cant imagine leaving my children with them for more than a short supervised visit. Im not paranoidjust cautious.

What Ive realised is this: love from family is wonderful, but we must take whats good and gently set aside the rest. Ultimately, its my responsibility to raise my children with care, making sure they grow up safe, healthy, and happyeven if that means politely refusing a bit of old-fashioned advice now and then.