My Husband Decided to Help His Ex-Wife Pay Off Her Debts—But I Didn’t Agree

Im married to a man who had been married before and has two children from that previous marriage. My husband separated from his ex-wife quite some time ago, but they still keep in touch. Their communication is mostly about the children. He pays child maintenance and continues to support them that way. Overall, my husband stays updated on everything happening with his children, his ex-wife, and even his former mother-in-law.

Then, out of the blue, I found out that my husband has decided to help his ex-wife financially. Apparently, shes got herself into quite a bit of debt. Three years ago, she took out a loan to start a small business, but for reasons unknown, the business went under. The loan was still there, but she had no way to pay it back. The amount has grown significantly. To prevent losing her home, shes apparently thought about putting it in her mothers name. Otherwise, she and the kids would have been out on the street because of the debts.

My husband only heard about this recently, and he began to gently drop hints to me. You see, my ex-wife is in debt, and my children are involved as well. Perhaps we should help her out financially. Otherwise, she wont be able to pay it off until she retires, and the debt will fall to our children.

And just yesterday, he came right out and said, Im going to give my ex-wife half of my monthly wages so she can get these debts paid off more quickly. What do you think about that?

I couldnt believe what I was hearing. Are you serious, darling? Who is she to you that you feel obliged to help her? She isnt your responsibility anymore, shes just someone you used to know. Why the sudden need to help?

But he insisted: My children live with her, and if something happens, this debt will be their burden. I need to help.

I replied that he already pays child maintenance, and even sends extra money from time to time. His children are well looked after as it is. His ex-wifes debts are her problem, not his. Why should we put our own lives on hold to bail her out? I told him I didnt agree at all and that he shouldnt even consider it.

My husband was silent after that and seemed rather upset with me But I cant help but wonderdid I say something wrong?