The grandchildren are just beyond the fence, they need to be looked after, we’ll be back soon.

What do you make of those ridiculously early morning phone calls? You know, the ones where youre not sure if you should be insulted or just fetch the kettle immediately.

Lately, my husbands sister-in-law has taken it upon herself to ring me up at five in the morning. Not to be outdone, his own sister is blowing up his phone at the same absurd hour. There we are, both just barely conscious, wondering what on earth is going on. The sheer cheek left us speechless.

So I answer, bleary-eyed, and get blasted with:

Why are you still in bed? Were off well before 11 on highly important business. Keep an eye on the children. Theyre waiting outside your gate.

Before we could say anything, the line went dead. I stared at my husband, who simply stared back with that is this real life? look.

Children? At our front gate? Before sunrise? Why?

He threw on some old jumper, stomped outside, and the dogs were going absolutely spare, so clearly, someone was there. Lo and behold, three of our nieces and nephews were lined up, sleepy and clutching their bags like tiny refugees. I was completely gobsmacked.

We ushered the kids inside and panicking slightly started frantically ringing their parents to get some explanation. The answer we got?

Dont you love your nephews and nieces? You never give them money or shower them with gifts. You could at least spend some time with them. We really must be off, its very important. You can redeem yourselves in the childrens eyes.

Well, that was news to us. The youngest is not even a year old and, would you believe, they hadnt packed so much as a nappy or a juice box.

Naturally, thank heavens for the corner Tesco that’s open 24 hours. My husband dashed down there to buy nappies, bottles, snacks the works. Got to keep the little darlings fed somehow.

It was quite the ordeal, let me tell you. The kids were terrors, running on no sleep, having full-on meltdowns, refusing naps, crying over everything. It wasnt their fault, of course, being dropped off at the crack of dawn and all.

Their parents didnt swing by until three in the afternoon and that only happened because we rung them repeatedly. Other peoples children are a tremendous responsibility. Let no one tell you otherwise.

And, to top it off, apparently wed bought the wrong food and nappies but they still took all the shopping home. Typical.

Now, were honestly a bit terrified. Will we wake up one morning to the sight of our nieces and nephews huddled on the doorstep again at 5 am? The fear is real, and Im still not quite over the traumaSo, by mutual unspoken agreement, weve resorted to sleeping with our phones switched off. The doorbell is now guarded by the most fearsome, judgmental Ring camera in the neighborhood. If anyone under five feet tall approaches before sunrise, were readyarmed not with snacks or sippy cups, but with the steely resolve of two adults who have finally remembered the blessed power of boundaries.

Still, on rare mornings, as I sip coffee and watch the light creep up the curtains, I catch myself listening for the distant giggle or shriek of a child outside. Maybe, just maybe, its not terror that lingers, but the surprising warmth of small hands clutching mine, the soundtrack of cartoon chatter filling our home, the exhausted laughter my husband and I shared over sticky faces and tipped-over juice boxes. Because even in the chaos, we glimpsed something almostwonderful.

But if those phones ring at 5 a.m. again, I promise youwere pretending were in Majorca. And this time, no ones home.